The "L" Word

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I am so glad you added that edit

Seriously, that's a very nice and very true phrase.

 

I got a new job, but I don't really want it. It's a new restaurant and the people running it seem way too full of themselves.

Don't want to work for pretentious pricks like them.

Edit: Keeping the top just so dmc and Cara don't look crazy

The L-word is a tough one to deal with at times, and you need to make sure you know what you're going for when you use it. If you don't want a long relationship and are trying to find a semi-casual fling... well use it at your own risk. If being a complete a**hole is worth an easy lay to you, then go for it. On the other hand don't use it too early in a serious relationship, because that road can have many paths from women with commitment issues, to women who are too committing, and just women in general. I suppose if you're a homosexual man you avoid the women issue in which case feel free to throw it around, a man is a man and will understand if you're just trying to get lucky.

 

Chicken are you drunk?

Back on topic: Confidence is the key. That may be a bit of a cliché but it's true.

Now using the L word is a very risky thing. More often than not it means you'll scare the girl away. Some girls only want casual relationships or think they do when what they want is not casual but they are probably fooling themselves and you if you listen and believe what they say.

So the following rules applies:

1) never ever use the L word first.

2) women know that using that word when you're having sex or just had sex doesn't mean anything.

3) If you have to use the word then you must try and fake sincerity.

The "say you love me" or "do you love me?" while having sex is kinda hard but if you can't manage to say it at the opportune moment, you're in for a lot of trouble.

Most women are not very forgiving about that kind of things.

Of course all the above is along the lines of do what I say not what I do as I always manage to mess things up when the L word is ever mentioned. So nothing that I've posted is to be taken seriously except perhaps my remark to Chickenisgood who seemed to have mixed this thread with the Random Babbling Post.

It's sad to think that you get in less trouble telling a woman that you find her attractive/hot than if you actually say "I love you" once you've said it most women will start considering you as a weirdo or a freak, it's like being the only baby seal clubber at a Greenpeace or WWF convention or an Exalted Cyclops at a Bar Mitzvah.

Of course women who are going to react differently are the most dangerous ones. Watch out for women who will respond to your L word with the same word as it means even more troube and possibly alimony fees.

 

Absolutely the wrong thread. Happens when you have about ten open in different tabs

 

So. Very. True.

Which means one can use this to his advantage, if one wants to get rid of some woman.

 

I was gonna respond to the theme, but then I realised something in the original post has always confused me.

The idea of only becoming 'exclusive' when things get serious. Is this an American thing? In my experience (UK-based), once you start dating someone, you date only them. Certainly, if someone I was going out with told me they were seeing other people, I'd be fairly upset. How does this system work?

Anyway, going back on-topic, I think the L word is bloody complicated. My lady said it to me before I was ready to say it to her, which was...awkward. I had to be honest and tell her that I wasn't ready to say the same thing back to her, which (I think) she understood. She was certainly worried that she'd upset me by saying it. Fortunately, I quickly realised that I did love her, and said it back to her a little while later (though we're talking a week or two here, not a few minutes).
January will mark our second year together, so I guess everything went well. Although, this (rambling) anecdote brings me to another point- the situation when one person in a relationship says the L word, and the other one can't, for whatever reason. Any thoughts?

 

At our age, usually going out on dates means you are exclusive, but as you get older (out of college, usually), you can go on dates with multiple people without it being considering upsetting (unless you are having sex with all of them) because you are testing the waters. At least that is how it seems to me.

 

Open relationships aren't the norm, but they're not that uncommon, along with polyamory and friends-with-benefits situations - occurances like that the ones outlined in the first post could easily occur and complicate matters.

I've been in a relationship where I've had to hide what I've wanted to say because I simply knew the other guy would never feel the same way. He got bored of me and simply left, but oh well.

 

Well, it's not considered a polyamorous relationship, nor even an open relationship... dating is the process by which you determine if you actually want to be in a relationship with someone, so exclusivity isn't that important until you figure it out.

 

The way it works is that exclusivity need only be adhered to when it's convenient for one or both parties. So if one loses interest, rather than say "I'm losing interest" they can date others and then use the but-we-weren't-serious copout when confronted about it.

I'm not sure but I don't suppose this only happens in the US.

 

If it doesn't work like expected then you're in trouble. Athough you can overdo it and go for the "I love you too much" line or the "I don't deserve your love" that works pretty well actually.

Most women will prefer hearing their boyfriend say "we're exclusive" rather than the L word.

I'm at heart a romantic so I don't like the whole idea of sampling goods that people call dating. I'm usually very casual about it though. Up to the point when I see a woman I'm really attracted to on the other side of the room, then I know I'm in trouble. Fortunately there are many ways to show that you care about someone without saying the L word.

 

Well, I think you have to go out with someone more than one or twice before you can consider yourself dating them exclusively. I don't know too many guys who would causally date someone for months while simultaneously seeing other people. It's just that a lot of times, unless you were friends with the person beforehand, you don't know if you WANT to be exclusively with them immediately.

On the other hand, if you go out with someone ONCE, and the other person thinks because of that one date that you are exclusive... well... that to me would be pretty strange.

 

Where I come from, you can go out on a casual date or two, and it can be known that you casually date many women. However, if you see a woman more than 3 or 4 times in a row and haven't seen anyone else in the interim, she usually starts to ask if you want to become "serious" (exclusive) or if you are still just casually dating. Or, she stops saying yes to your invitations if she has no interest in exclusivity with you.

No matter what it's a royal pain in the arse.

 

That's a fairly accurate description of what most relationships are about.

 

Or Final Cut Pro, if any of you have had a relationship with that.

 

I had an affair with a photographer does it qualify?

There is something deeply frightening about "Final Cut Pro" (must be a Freudian thing).

 

Nope, I am referring to the program... it was described to me (and I agree) that using it is like being in a bad relationship because things will go horribly wrong and it won't tell you why it is doing things or what is wrong, so you have to guess until you get it. And for a program, it is very inconsistent with what it does, which blows.

 

Oh...it works, and I'm careful enough not to throw the L-word to those women who'd love to hear it...

 

@Saber: that could be used to describe anything that has to do with computers. Computers are like black magic, sometimes they work and sometimes they won't.

A computer is not more reliable than a relationship but at least you can turn it off without too much hassle.