How Would You Get Rid Of A Dead Body

Remove all ads!

OK, you've killed someone. You didn't mean to, but **** happens. The authorities can't find out, as the circumstances would look very dodgy. You've got to dispose of the body, how would you do it?

Discuss.

 

That would depende on where the body is.

 

Just watch the movie "Eating Raoul". Case closed.

Seriously(not that this is a serious subject!), I would hide it 1st, preferably somewhere nobody could find/smell it. Only for a day at most. Then I would purchase(with cash only) a roll of plastic to wrap the body. Then it depends. Bury it somewhere that is in no way connected to yourself? Somewhere secluded and hidden, but doesn't draw animals. Somewhere away from main society, like not at the edge of Suburbia, but 100 miles farther out. Maybe 200 miles. Make sure the land is not going to be developed soon, if possible. Stay off of toll roads that can track your vehicle.

 

you trying to tell us something Barmy?

 

In my... 'a' car boot.

 

OK Barms, if we are discussing this as something we have to actively contemplate, I'm worried. If we're speaking strictly hypothetically, what does your brain do to come up with stuff like this.

But to answer the question, I'd stick the body in one of those chipper/shredder/mulcher things. Saw it in a movie once - figured it would be a good way to get rid of evidence.

 

Pigs!

Hanging around with CSI addicts and geeks they deducted they know some rather co-operative pig farmers.

 

Here's what I'd do.

You're always gonna have problems lifting a body in one piece. Apparently the best thing to do is cut up a corpse into six pieces and pile it all together. And when you got your six pieces, you've gotta get rid of them, because it's no good leaving it in the deep freeze for your mum to discover, now is it?

Then I hear the best thing to do is feed them to pigs.

You've got to starve the pigs for a few days. Then the sight of a chopped-up body will look like curry to a pisshead. You gotta shave the heads of your victims, and pull the teeth out for the sake of the piggies' digestion. You could do this afterwards, of course, but you don't want to go sievin' through pig sh*t, now do you?

They will go through bone like butter. You need at least sixteen pigs to finish the job in one sitting, so be wary of any man who keeps a pig farm. They will go through a body that weighs 200 pounds in about eight minutes. That means that a single pig can consume two pounds of uncooked flesh every minute. Hence the expression, "as greedy as a pig."

But that's me.

 

YES!!!!

 

Now, I have seen the Pig Farmer thing in both Hannibal and the TV show Criminal Minds. And the chipper is all Fargo. (Good thing I'm eating my lunch as I type this, the subject matter is the ultimate appetite depresser!). What about keeping the body? I'm not talking about any type of Necro-stuff, but I mean preserving the body and keeping it hid, possibly in an underground cellar?

 

Or positioned in a jaunty angle

 

If you live in an area with a car pool lane, you got your everyday passenger.

 

I'd do what Dexter does!

 

Which is?

 

first got to remove any forensic evidence, so first I would bathe the body in caustic soda or a perklone or hydrocarbon based solvent (need a respirator for the solvents), messy I know but needs must, then (since I have a flat freezer) freeze the body and then crush it.

 

Acid. Muriatic acid can be bought as a drain cleaner, and that's basically diluted hydrochloric acid. Just make sure to do this in something ceramic (most tubs are, I think, but a stopper may be a problem). You can do it at home and there's no need for anyone else to get involved. Buy a couple big bottles of muriatic acid (in different stores, with cash) and you're good.

 

You guys would all be caught eventually. The only way to be certain that you wouldn't would be for there to be absolutely no evidence pointing to you, and the fact that right off the bat you're already in possession of the body pretty much rules that out.

 

I like NOG's idea. As for the bones, well... grind the crap out of 'em and use it to fertilize trees, a garden, a coffee plantation that hides a secret... Crap. Said too much already.

 

Actually, with time, the acid could even take care of the bones. If you live alone, it's not a problem.

As for being caught, realistically, you could leave the body there and have good odds of never being arrested. Only about 50% of murders are cleared by conviction in the US, and that's the highest rate of all our crimes (don't even ask what the theft clearance rate is).