Why Do I Do It?

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*sigh* As is well documented, my 3-year old son is getting into gaming. I showed him SC2 last night. He tells me that Jim Raynor is a "space pirate" (I guess based on how he dresses), and he completely loves it depsite the fact that he plays on easy and has only tried the first couple of missions.

Unfortunately, the law of unintended consequences does seem to apply. For starters, Raynor isn't exactly a role-model type person. Hell, he's a depressed chain-smoking alcoholic. On the first mission you get to control Raynor, one of the random things he's says when you give him a command is "kick ass".

Well, that immediately became the highlight of the game for Jack. He started shouting "Kick some ass marines!" whenever he gave them an order. The wife is not particularly pleased by this outcome, as you can imagine. Later, when I told him that it was time for a bath, he told me he needed one because he didn't want to get "a stinky ass".

I'm trying to be a bit introspective with all of this. While some of this is certainly self-inflicted (he didn't know I had SC2 - I willingly showed it to him), there is also a part of me that views it as inevitable. Millions of kids are into gaming to begin with, so even if I wasn't, it's quite likely Jack would have become a gamer anyway. My presence only hastened the process.

I also don't get bent out of shape when Jack says "ass", along with a host of other swear words that he has also learned to use in context. He would learn them eventually too. Unfortunately, my wife does not feel the same way. She was mortified in Disney World when we walked past a large fountain that shot water high into the air. As it was breezy that day, the water got caught up in the wind, and landed directly on Jack, getting him pretty wet. He immediately shouted, "Son of a *****!" - which to me wasn't mortifying - it was hysterical.

Still, I'm not sure that answering "because it would happen anyway" is a good enough repsonse to "why do I do it?"

 

Perhaps day care centers should hold sessions with children on the proper use of curse words.

"No, Biilly, you only tell someone to f*** off if you're really pissed off at them; otherwise, 'screw you' is more appropriate."

"Billy, you only call someone an a**hole if they're a real prick; otherwise, something more tame (such as 'bastard') would be in order."

 

Some of those are hilarious. My young nephew once called someone a "cheap pr*ck" in traffic from his kid seat, and my boss's kid once made the introductory remarks, "Dad, you'll probably think I'm an a**hole, but can I ..."

 

This situation is a bit of a dilemma for me as well. My oldest son is really the chip off the old block here. He is a self-proclaimed computer geek at age 7.

I don't think I started him on playing computers quite as early as Aldeth (he was at least 4, if not 5, but he has played and completed StarCraft 2. He has played and (with help) completed Diablo 2. He has played several of the Total War games (Medieval 2, Empire, Napoleon and Shogun 2). There's plenty of violence, wickedness, and in the case of StarCraft 2, even some drinking and swearing.

At the same time he is a very well-adjusted young guy, who is not violent at all. He is doing remarkably well in school. PC gaming is a privilege that requires that a list of standards be met each day... and the privilege is temporarily taken away without a second thought when he doesn't meet those standards. On the side, I try to teach my son that wars and battles are real things that occur in our world, and that they are horrible. I've even asked him to think about what it would be like if I had to fight in a war, and died and never came home. Not so fun. He seems to listen and internalize such perspectives into his understanding of a game being fake. I rarely drink; I don't smoke... and I can say confidently that I am currently the most influential role model in his life. I talk to my son and tell him what's right and what's wrong, and often these games provide opportunities to have these conversations. So I don't think I'm doing anything wrong by letting him play. I regulate how long he can play each day, and set timeframes that he's allowed to play (i.e. he can't just wake up on a Saturday morning and go straight to the computer, or come straight home from school and play).

My second born is 3, and while he'll watch his brother play the "big boy" games, he's happy as a clam to play Wonderpets online games, Bob the Builder, Thomas the Tank Engine, etc. With him, I have no desire to encourage him to play anything more sophisticated at this point. I think I got a lot of that out of my system with my first born. Ironically, this is my more “violent” child who will tackle his older brother for fun, claw his back when he’s angry and/or throw toys at people who piss him off. He has ore of his mother’s temperament.

 

Oh, Jack doesn't play excessively. One of the smart things we did is my wife claims she doesn't know how to work the computer and thus cannot start the game for him. As a result, he can only play when dad is home. Since I don't get home from work until about 5:30 most days, it's not like he's playing all day. In fact, when it's nice outside, Jack would prefer to play outside rather than play on the computer. Using yesterday as an example, he didn't play any computer games at all. When he does play, it's in small doses - usually about half an hour.

 

That sounds pretty balanced. We limit our son to 1 hour on weekdays and 2 hours on weekends. He would DEFINITELY go longer if we let him-- but he's nearly 8, so is probably a lot more into it than a 3 year old would be.

 

I think you should be trying a bit harder to teach your son to use respectful language around his parents and elders, so I kind of agree with your wife. I wouldn't let my 7 year old get away with that around the house.

 

The thing is, 99% of the time he does know that he shouldn't say those things, and that you definitely shouldn't say those things when you're in public. I think his shock got the best of him in Disney World. He knows he won't get in trouble for cursing around me, grandpa and his uncle. But he hardly ever curses in front of my wife.

I just love the perspectives of children. I had a leg injury recently, and Jack went with me to the doctors. I had to remove my pants for him to see my leg. Jack was aghast. "Daddy! You're not supposed to take your pants off when you're out!"

 

My personal favorite was one time I was in the supermarket and the woman in front of me was having a hard time finding her wallet in her purse. As if on cue, her young daughter says "No money, no honey". I thought the cashier was going to die.