What is the Friendzone? Does it really even exist?

Remove all ads!

lol Vorona, I don't think you have anything to worry about. Just because a guy is attracted to you doesn't mean that he won't respect your need for friendship first. There are a lot of decent men out there and even if they might feel an attraction they may be more than willing to get to know you and be friends so they can have a chance of something more. You don't need to get wrapped up in the idea that all men just have sex on the mind. Just enjoy your male friends for the positive experiences you have with them and let nature take it's course if it decides to.

 

What Dice said, just because I don't really believe in male/female friendship I don't want to jump straight into the sack with all women.

I personally work pretty much like you, I need to spend some time with the woman in question. Get to know her. When I have done that and it turns out that she is the kind of woman I am attracted to then I struggle to be "just" friends.

 

Okay. So, being friends for a longish time wouldn't make the guy worried that he's in the "friendzone"? I'm less worried about the guys who *only* want to get in the sack, and more worried about the nice guys who are afraid of being in the "friendzone" due to cultural/social relations with other guys.

 

To be fair, while it's not the only thing we think about, ummm... well, how to put it? It does occupy a significant portion of our mental resources.

Well of course there are. In fact, one of the main themes in this thread is that there is exactly that type of guy out there. Guys that become friends with a woman hoping that it just might lead to something more. Now technically, the way it's been described here is that the guy wants something more, but the woman just wants to be friends, but that doesn't prevent the guy from holding out hope. So no, your situation isn't hopeless, you just need to find one of these guys. And yeah, he may get some teasing from his friends, but that usually takes quite a long time to actually take effect. I have a good friend to this day that acted that way towards one particular woman for years.

Of course you don't. No one does. Unless you're one strange dude, you don't find all women sexually attractive. However, I think one of the major differences in relationships is that men are much more likely to jump into it, without the need for friendship first. I think Vorona's approach is not particularly common to begin with, but you'd see it much more from a woman than from a man.

 

Vorona what the friendzone means is that one part has made their intentions clear and the other does not feel the same but wants to continue to be friends. That is how I see it. For example: I get to know a woman, I like her. We hang out a bit, not really dating but do some stuff together. We spend quite a lot of time talking. When I then ask her out for a real date or try to kiss her or something and she is not interested then I know we want different things from the relationship and I personally end it.

And although I generally agree with Aldeth that men are very focused on sex I am personally a bit weird. I am interested in sex, very much so but I have a very female approach to it you might say. It must feel right for me, I must feel comfortable and secure. Takes a while for me to get there and I have lost many women due to my inability to perform on command. Many women have taken my inability to start demanding sex after a date or three as me not being interested in them which have led to them feeling unwanted and dumping me.

 

Really? While I'm not opposed to the idea of casual sex, I am opposed to the idea of multiple (bed)partners. Plus that casual sex is a short term arrangement, and I've never really been interested in the short term. Not now and not when I was younger.

Funny, I seem to have a femine approach in so far as that sex doesn't seem to be as important to me as it seems to be to most men (and indeed some women) and I don't seem to be so focused on looks as most men seem to be. I literally had to learn what other men find physically attractive in women. I was about 17 when I finally figured it out. Up until this day, it still doesn't mean much to me - it's a rational assessment of someone, more or less occupying the same part of my mind that files someone's funny walk as originating from a stiff lower back.

It seems to me that part of your problem is also that women will usually expect the man to act first so if the man doesn't act, nothing happens, even if both parties are actually interested. At least, that's how it seems to work for me.

I wouldn't worry too much about it. If he's interested, he should just say something. If not, well, his "friendzone" is of his own making.

 

Except when women don't want you to, which you're supposed to magically intuit from day to day. Friendzoners for example are never supposed to make any move, and should never have to be told not to. The very idea is offensive. And yet you don't really know if you're in the friendzone unless you make a move and get rebuffed ... on and on it goes.

Also women are putting on the pants more and more in modern times as far as assertiveness goes. They take what they want!

Also a lot of friendzoning and the interactions it implies are non-verbal. For example, if you were spending a lot of not-specifically-sexual time with a guy and the 'spark' held on, implying that there was reasonable hope (as opposed to the vain and hopeless wishes of the friendzone) that something more could develop, that would not promote friendzone feelings and fears. It's when you* only have him there to wash your car and comfort you about the personality shortcomings of the outlaw bikers you do sleep with who treat you poorly but give you multiple orgasms - along with the clear implication that HE has NO chance in that regard - that the friendzone has tragically been entered.

[edit]

*Sorry, the figurative 'you.' I'm not suggesting you yourself do that.

 

My thoughts exactly. Luckily us guys are hardwired to actually do so, or the human race would probably be extinct by now. It just makes things sometimes awkward for us that don't have the instinct quite as strongly.

/edit

Didn't The Offspring write a song about that?

 

Amen brother!

 

Yes - she'd only show up at her FZ's door to be 'held,' after she slept with her sometime f-buddy ex-con on parole earlier when she was looking to score.

 

Great song Henkie .

Yah Gaear, you've got me wondering if all woman are life-sucking, friendzoning, masterminding sirens with ex-cons and friend-men on leashes!

 

There may be a couple who aren't.

In all seriousness, the point of singling out those who are is that the outrageousness of it boggles the mind. In a perfect world it wouldn't happen at all, along with hunger, hockey strikes, and Bernie Madoff. But of course this isn't that world. Oh well.

 

Sorry if this is but since I didn't know who this Bernie fellow was I had to google him and I found this pic I thought I should share

 

I watched Les Miserables this weekend with my mom and Eponine is a perfect example of someone stuck in the friendszone. She even takes a bullet for the man who loves someone else.

 

She was probably an acceptable loss in the guy's mind, being only a zoner after all. He'll grieve over it to his replacement friend for maybe a day and then go sleep with another outlaw.