Got a girlfriend ? How did you do it ?!?

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Statisitcally I think internet dating is not the "safest bet" out there, since often when you meet that person they look nothing like baywatch babe they've told you they look like--if they're even the right gender or with 20 years of the expected age range. And it's not so much that looks are everything, but once trust is broken, that can really change the dynamics of a friendship/relationship.

But it works for some. Much like HB, I have a good friend who met someone online "by accident," and they got to chatting and found they had a lot in common. Long story short, they ended up meeting, fell in love and are engaged to be married. Unfortunately, the girl lives in a different country than the guy, so they're dealing with immigration, relocation yuckiness before they can live "happily ever after."

 

I'll have to agree with Harbs here (yes, yes). I actually met my ex-fiancee in a chat room. Had things taken a different turn, today she'd be my wife. And I met my special little someone on a *forum*.

Rubbish? I don't think so.

But anyway, back on topic.

The low self-confidence is something I'm also plagued with... I completly lack the courage to approach woman, which often seem to think my appearant lack of interest towards them indicate that I'm somewhat engaged (which is a major WTF? everytime I hear it). Anyway, there are many possible solutions to solve the low self-confidence problem - maybe a change of some kind is in order.

I'll be honest - I personally have a problem with what I look like. Yes, I was mocked more times than I count as a kid because I was fat. It leaved scars on me, which I still feel - so, to solve that problem, I decided to get involved in body building. I'm not only in better shape, but it shows on self-confidence.

Basically, the best thing I can tell you is find the source of your low self-confidence... and impose the necessary changes to change that "weakness" into a "strength".

 

Also, whatever you do, don't be thinking it's hard and you have to try extra hard to impress a lass. Chances are you'll just end up looking a prick then think "I'm hopeless!" and slip deeper into pissed-off-ness. Just be yourself, and don't be afraid to talk to people. I don't know anybody whose 'natural' conversation is weird and a put off. It's when people try to be different and impress people that they end up looking stupid.

Everyone, even the most shy and lonely, have one or two people in their lives they talk to easily without thinking. This can be family, a close friend, whatever. You just have to expand this into your conversations with everyone. Being friendly works for people. In my experience, anyway.

 

A good friend once put it to me this way (this doesn't apply well to women, sorry): if you're interested in a girl, you've got to be willing to put your balls out there (figuratively was how this was meant, just to clarify).

If you like a girl, your best bet is to let her know. She may reject you, but you have to be ready for that. Not every gal you're attracted to will feel the same about you. That's okay, and that's normal. There's someone out there for everyone, so just remember that.

The main thing I can't stress enough, is don't tell a girl that you just want to be friends when you're actually interested in more. You're just setting yourself up for disapointment and frustration. There's nothing wrong with saying, "I'm attracted to you and would like to get to know you better." If she's not interested, then you know not to waste your time. If she is, then great!

Put your balls out there gentlemen.

 

Well bars are generally for those with the sole purpose of getting laid.

I've met most of my girlfriends at some sort of parties at mutual friends. Starting a discussion with girls there is quite easy and the rest comes naturally. This has been actually far too effective to me in the past. In any case a few drops of alcohol are good to play down the silence. However don't overplay it, since that's a one way ticket to disaster and embarassment. And don't start picking on girls who are obviously drunk, that's just bad style and won't lead to anything good (except loss of respect among other potential girlfriends).

EDIT: Probably should add that I'm single right now so in lasting relationships I suppose I'm not the top authority but that's mostly because the word "committment" sends shivers down my spine.

 

And for those who are unwilling to leave the comforts of their PC, there are a number of great cyber chicks in the CRPG world that you can set your sights on. Jaheira, Aerie, or Viconia would make good cyber girlfriends from BG. Imoen's a pretty tasty dish too! Anna or Fall From Grace from PS:T. Heck, Elanee or even Neeska from NWN2.

It's either one of them, or "Jenna" on the chatline (who's probably actually a bald, middle-aged fat man sitting naked at his PC), or you can get out there and find yourself some flesh and blood woman to interact with.

 

What girl wants a guy who needs a girl? B*tches, that's who.

Much of the good of life can only be had by men. Enjoy being a man.

 

Not quite...
I met my girfriend in a chat. I was living in Argentina and she in Spain; I live now in Spain and we will get married next month.
I met my first girlfriend when I was 19; I'm not much of a 'social' guy, so I usualy don't go out much. And I'm kind of shy so 'having a girlfriend' was difficult to me.
I met my ex girfriends at work, where you get to know people and share some moments, and where usualy get to see how some people is.
Love (or call it girlfriend/boyfriends) isn's something you look for, it just comes.

 

What's the point of having a girlfriend anyway?

I mean, when people fall in love... sure. But otherwise?

 

I'd bet that a good 70% of couples meet at work.

Someone told me the other day that my last girlfriend must be pushing 2 years ago now! I thanked him for pointing that out .

But I've just got a new job, in a call centre kind of environment and I've already met a girl I really like (she's really pretty as well, nice girl). Hopefully I'll be able to sort something out there.

But yeah, don't be afraid to change your job. Especially if you're on crap money, it might be the best thing you ever do!

 

Forget the girls man. I like being alone and free. Nobody whines, nobody shouts, nobody cries at you. My friends who have girlfriends are enslaved. They choose their friends according to their girlfriends' tastes, they organize their entire lives according to their girlfriends. I live for myself, not for someone else. I do what I want when I want.

 

I have to agree that most people meet people at one of two locations: work or school. Since you said you're 26, I'm thinking that you probably aren't in school (although you certainly could be - I know several people who get either a two-year or four-year degree, enter the workforce, then go back to school for a graduate degree later). In all likelihood, without going out to a bar or the like, you're stuck with the group of people you work with.

In what you've said so far, the only hobby you have is working out. That's good and bad. It's good in the sense that getting in shape will make you more attractive to the ladies. While not all women are attacted to hulking muscle-men, pretty much all women find guys who are fit more attactive than guys who are out of shape. However, it's bad in the sense that most of the people who go to gyms are guys, and therefore, it's not a place where you're likely to meet many women.

I also think it might not be a bad idea to try internet dating sites. At this point, you're 26 and never had a girlfriend. While I agree with the people who say you probably won't meet Miss Right online, I think that getting some experience talking and interacting with women will help you down the road. Most people don't marry the first person they date anyway. So there's no real downside to finding your first girlfriend on an internet dating site. You'll get some experience talking to women, and it might even help you later on in other social interactions. Hey - it's worth a shot.

 

Baby Steps.

**cringes at keeping that cliche alive**

Alot of the advice being given here, while correct, is really too much too soon.

Its easy to say, stop being shy, go down to the nearest bar, jump straight into trying to date but its a hell of a lot harder in practice.

Figure out what you enjoy doing and make small changes to bring you in contact with more people.

i.e. you go to the gym for resistance training, try a fitness class instead or some kind of team sport.
You like role playing games, try and find a local PnP rpg group.

Most of these things don't require much skill or prior experience just an eagerness to participate and be part of a 'team'.

Your priority should be getting a worthwhile circle of friends who you like being with and see what happens from there. You can't go from being single with little to no social life to having a girlfriend, it just doesn't work like that.

Women generally don't go for guys that have nowhere to go and noone to hang out with... unless theyre also desperatly lonely but you could be letting yourself into a world of trouble with that.

Be a little more sociable at work, find other people who share your hobbies (in real life) and figure out what you want with your life.

If you don't like your current situation, for the love of god change it.

 

Start with the desperate woman and work your way up. Sounds cheesy, doesn't it? It works.

 

They also get sex while you sit and chat with us freaks.

Deadman, I'll sell you a woman if you get that desperate

 

....unless the guy is really, really cute (i.e. me ).

 

My suggestion: forget about it. Visit the sex boards, find a nice hooker, and allow her to service your needs until you are 100% sure you really want to have a partner. This because partner inevitably means a) children, b) responsibilities, and c) a sudden lack of cash in your own wallet. And a potential divorce, if you are goose enough to actually tie the knot. Nothing like loosing 50% of your wealth and paying tributes for the next 18 years of your life.

But if you are sure and not just wondering "what is wrong with me", I suggest you check what you got. I read from somewhere that it's basically about five matters: looks, brains, brawn, social standing, and wealth. Alpha males get laid more, but so do the 70-year old bastards with a multi-million mansion.

Simply put it, go to the gym, comb your hair at least once a month, avoid sounding like an idiot, get a good job, and try to have some extra cash lying around somewhere near your bed. You don't really need to be a millionare, or look like James Bond, but you can't miss out in any of those five areas either.

Or just find a desperate woman, like suggested. If she is in kinda of a jam, anything goes. Many poverty-stricken ladies in Asia and Africa, I hear. Just a matter of finding someone worse off than you.

 

Try meeting girls online... some people sneer at it, but if nothing else you'll get some experience interacting and flirting with them in a low stress, low expectation environment. It'll help build up your confidence for "real life" and if you get lucky you just might meet somebody.

As for the comment about dating for any other reason but love: I'd ask how do you know its love unless you've dipped your foot in the pond and see what's out there?

 

You don't miss or misunderstand love. Trust me.

 

It's called practice; so you don't just out-and-out ruin your chances when you find the one you do love.