Depression

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Barmy, you seem to have correctly identified the source of the problem as coming from the relationship department. No matter how self-sufficient a person is, the need for companionship is hardcoded. It might not be everyone's cup of tea, but you could consider doing a year as English teacher in China. I guarantee you'll come back with a hottie that will keep you happy forever. It's not quite as simple as this of course, lots of cultural things to adapt to, but the more you can adapt, the better it will work out. You can PM me if you want info...

General advice:
If you plan on dating, keep your apartment presentable, just in case you end up there.
Wear clean clothes every day, even if you feel they were barely worn.
Don't masturbate. Your performance will suck when it's showtime, and that will hurt your confidence. Make sure you haven't viewed any porn for at least 3 weeks before going on a date. I know this one is hard to keep up when you live alone with internet, but it makes all the difference.
If you're sweaty like me, use deodorant. Women often have a better sense of smell than men.
If a woman gives you hassle, the stress will burn away calories, and the discipline will probably be necessary in your lifestyle. Don't dismiss her as high-maintenance too easily - you probably qualify for the same title in her eyes.
What she likes is probably miles apart from what you like, so keep your opinions mild, and mind your bodylanguage. Most women pick up on that real quickly.

Or, you can just realize that it's a lot of effort, and forgo it altogether. Prostitutes aren't so expensive - they cost you your pride mainly.

 

It could be much worse. Maybe try working out and eating better to lose some weight and going to place where you'll meet women who are your type. Maybe try online dating?

 

Apologies to Barmy if this is a twist deserving a different thread, but browsing this thread again made me wonder - why do most people have an inclination to provide answers/advice and 'solve the problem,' as it were? I'm seeing a lot of lists and recommendations for how to live your life, etc., etc., the motivation for which I'm sure is pure and I'm which I'm not questioning, just the practicality. In my experience, most people who share in the fashion of the OP aren't actually looking for answers or a 9 step program to fix all their problems, they just want comfort. In that sense, I'm sure if we gave Barmy a sandwich and a pair of boobs to rest his head on, he would be fine.

I suspect it's a guy thing actually. Guys are hardwired to take action and fix stuff. "Problem? Okay, we'll do a, b, and c!" Women by contrast just moreso make things better with lovey-doveyness and comfort. I think Barms just needs a dose of the latter.

 

Well to get a girl, yeah, but we could send him a gift certificate to McDonalds and tell him we all love him, and he'd probably be better off than being told not to masturbate.

 

Yeah that's useful relationship knowledge (men predisposed to talking about solutions and fixes, which can lead to misunderstanding at best or a huge confrontation at worst when your wife/girlfriend just wants to vent, she interprets your "well let's a b and c" as being dismissive or disinterested and only gets her more upset "you never listen/you never understand me/you don't care").

 

I think, being a woman, that the medium of conversation also plays a roll. For example, if Barmy were sitting next to me and telling me this stuff, I'd do the commiseration thing, but since it was on an online forum, I thought I should offer thoughts/advice/whatever.

Of course, I'm also a teacher, so I love explaining things anyway, which maybe bypasses my feminine consolation side? Who knows.

I'll agree that sometimes, I just like to vent to vent, and it irritates me if people (usually my mom, interestingly enough) try to solve the problem, when I don't actually see it as a problem to solve. The worst thing, though, is if I'm venting about something that I dislike about something larger that it means I don't really like the larger thing. For example, I tend to vent about my job, and a lot of times, my mom will say, "Well, that's part of being a teacher. If you don't like it, you should quit." Uh -- that irritation is just one thing -- I really like the rest of being a teacher and I doubt there's any job that I would love 100% of the time. She gets it IF I remember to say that while I'm venting, but sometimes I forget. That's very frustrating.

Sorry for the tangent, but I guess I needed to vent about that. Go figure.

 

V, I have a 9 step program that will solve that issue with your mom ...

 

In my experience, not watching porn is more important than not masturbating, if you want to hit it off with a woman. You need to get the imagery out of your head, because women don't normally look like they do in porn. If they do, you should be on your guard, because they probably have an agenda.

 

I have found that in relationship issues, it's always good to get a variety of opinions from a variety of people. It's all good.

 

Speaking of which, if you don't ejaculate for three weeks and don't watch porn, isn't it more likely you'll tear through your date in about 47.5 seconds if you manage to get to the coupling stage? That probably wouldn't be so good for "I am the all-night man" feelings of contentment.

 

To answer your question: I tried to correct myself a bit: The not watching porn aspect is far more useful. Not masturbating might be a mistake

 

This thread has taken a slightly disturbing turn.

 

A little MUGalicious for my taste!

Barmy is smart and resilient. To him I say "I am confident that you will be able to get through this and be stronger than you were before.

 

I haven't read through the thread because lazy, but I was diagnosed with semi-severe depression recently and the best thing I did was: 1) talk to a counselor and 2) GET ANTIDEPRESSANTS. Just go to a doctor's, get a check-up, and see what they say.

Take care, okay?

 

That was my first thought as well. Depending on how long you go, I can't imagine that would actually improve performance.

 

It's always a balance between being too excitable, and completely insensitive.

 

I'm usually a very upbeat person but after reading this thread I'm depressed. I think I'll go visit my friend Johnny Walker black and get cheered up. It's better than V-8 juice. Have a good day.....but you won't if you don't TRY.