Best Friends

Remove all ads!

I just need to vent here.

Growing up I had few friends. I was fat, uncoordinated, and socially awkward due to the fact that I had no siblings close in age. I had one friend with whom I was very close. I attribute my sanity to having such a good friend.

Years passed. He was in both of my wedding parties. He was one of the few RL people with whom I would consult on serious matters. The guy is very important to me, and many of you might have had similar experiences with a friend.

He suddenly cut off ALL contact with me and with all of his friends. There was literally no way to contact him. I found out a few months ago that he tried to kill himself. Turns out he is Bi-Polar, and he thought all of his former friends were spying on him, cloning his cell phone, hacking his computer, and breaking into his house to spike his medications. In other words, delusional.

Now he's in the mental ward, and on meds, and we are hanging out again, but I have to say, I'm scared shiitless. I am afraid that if I say something innocuous it'll trigger something and I'll lose my friend again. I don't want to abandon him, but I wonder if associating with him will do more harm to him than good. I'd like nothing better than to hang out with him, but is that what's best for him? I want to help, but I don't know how, and now I'M the paranoid one. I think of Kitrax a lot, and that scares me even more -- those who try it once often try again. I don't know if I could handle watching my best friend since childhood going into a grave. Help!

 

Trust your friendship, it's really all you can do. Once his meds are under control you won't need to filter so much.

That you're taking time to be with him is great.

 

Being as it's a fairly serious question, I'd ask someone who would know, LKD - mental health professional, crisis counselor, even an advocate person at your church might have a better idea. If nothing else, ask the staff at the facility if it's good for you to be there.

 

Don't be a dick. He's still the same guy he always was!

 

I can always trust Silvery to strike to the heart of the matter!

 

Better to lose your friend fighting to help him put his life back together than to spend the rest of your life wondering if things would have turned out better had you chosen to intervene. Regardless of what you do, this may end badly. You may not be able to make things better for your friend but you really can't make things any worse, and Iif you don't work to preserve your friendship and the worst comes to pass, you'll regret it forever. Spare yourself that pain.

EDIT: I posted in the thread, so apparently that means it belongs in the alleys...

 

Drew, you and I disagree more often than not, but your response was touchingly profound. Thank you.

Thanks as well to all who have responded, and apologies for putting it in the wrong thread.

 

Yeah well I've been a mental health nurse and a patient so I've seen it from both sides

 

It's a tuff thing.

I too had a friend that suffered from a mental illness. Which only came to light after he tried to jump.

That was in my teens and I felt the same way about that as you do.
I too was spooked by his behavior and mood-swings. Sudden outbursts and zombie like states.

But stuck to him tru those years and today he keeps saying that of all the things he is most grateful for, is that we remained friends when most people abandoned ship.

 

I took him shopping yesterday to get him some appropriate clothes for an interview today. I hope he gets it, but realistically . . . .

I was as supportive as I could be. I just hate walking on eggshells wondering if I'm gonna say something that'll light him off like a firecracker.

 

I hate to be a naysayer, and I'd keep my mouth shut if this weren't 'serious business,' but ...

While all the positivity is nice and no doubt well-intended, in my experience, the realities don't always follow. If he has genuine mental illness, he may not be the same guy he always was. And you may feel similarly regretful if your involvement somehow sets him off, much as you would if you didn't do anything. Not really knowing what's going on, it's quite possible you could make things worse.

You're doing it (or not doing it) for him, presumably, so feeling good or bad about it personally should be secondary. I'd still consult somebody in the know, but I won't bug you about it any further.

 

I’m going to more-or-less side with Gaer here, in that I think LKD should talk to his friend’s doctor. I doubt the doctor would tell him not to have any contact, but he might be able to suggest ways to deal with his friend that would be best suited to his recovery.

 

I don't feel bugged at all. I have already consulted with a mental health professional who knows about these matters and received some good advice. He said to behave like things were just as they were before the incident and not to bring up the break in communication. Under no circumstances am I to act as though I believe any of his delusions (should he bring them up.) I should change the subject politely in such cases. Luckily, on his meds, he's not delusional.

I hesitate to talk to his doctors on the ward, though, in that he might take that as a betrayal of confidence. I would, even though I'm not bi-polar! In any event, I don't know what they would tell me other than what my friend told me, as they could not legally discuss my friend's case in detail with me.

 

Good stuff, LKD. Sounds like you've taken appropriate steps to make sure you don't make matters worse. Rock on!

 

Reading all this, I suppose the guy is lucky to have you as a friend. You seem to take an honest interest in him. IMO, it's a great decision to ask a professional about the situation. Asking the doctor on the ward would be too much, yeah. Even if the doctor would spill some info (wouldn't be very professional, though, I suppose) and even if your friend is okay with it, there might be stuff you learn that is hard to deal with. Sometimes you're better off slightly ignorant, so you can still "act" natural, like the real you.

 

Sorry I'm a bit late, but just wanted to say that sticking by your friend will definitely help him cope, and if his condition can be managed with medication that's good to hear and makes for a good prognosis.

 

He never tried to hurt you, so his problems are something that he's been trying to keep contained. He must realize how important you are to him, as a best friend. And he now gets help coping with his issues. Definitely don't write him off. He's a good friend, and you just need to exercise extreme patience when he launches accusations at you. Your childhood friend is in there, but psychosis has also taken residence. Try to see them as separate from one another. Sometimes it's him talking, and sometimes inner voices get the better of him. It shouldn't be hard to know which is which.