Black Sun

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Dawn struck over the valley, a man with jet black hair, tied back by a silver circlet stood mesmorized by the sight, his bronze breastplate glinting from the newborn light. Rolynd Dantes had seen it a thousand times over, but it still never failed to amaze him. This was his favourite part of the day, all his troubles seemed washed away as he bathed in the sunlight, he closed his eyes to soak in the heat & smiled, the moment seemed almost magical. The feeling was suddenly interrupted by a voice, "Sir," Dantes whipped round, his sabre sailing out of the sheath & into his hand. He stood on the balls of his feet, slightly hunched ready for an attack. Dantes straightened & sighed, realising it to only be seargant Guillaume, he sheathed his sabre.

"What is it seargent?" Dantes asked

"The tents are packed, & the men are ready to move, we should reach the city by sundown, ahead of schedule" Guillaume seemed unsuprised by Dantes reaction to his approach, every man was on edge from the orc attack the previous day. It had been a close encounter as the orcs took them completely by suprise, diving out from the bushes & cutting several men down mercillacly, but Dantes reacted quickly & formed up ten of the soldiers & led a Cavalry charge into the main bulk of the orc raiding party, the orcs had scattered & fled, only to be chased down & cut down by the sabres of the horsemen.

"Very good seargent, we shall leave immediately" The seargent saluted & jogged back to the camp.

The noble Dantes & his men were escorting had paid him handsomely for his protection, & he had performed to the best of his ability, but he had been scolded from the noble for the orcish attack, & he warned the men to be much more alert & disciplined the following day.

Dantes strode back to the camp to find the men ready to ride, & the nobleman & his wife clambering into the carriage. Dantes got onto his horse next to seargent Guillaume, the seargent nodded & said, "The scouts just arrived back, all is clear," Dantes nodded his acceptance Then stood high on his horse & waved his hand forward, symbolizing the movement of the expendition. The carriage lurched as the driver flicked his whip & released the break.

 

This is kinda good, but STOP using '&'s. That is just plain annoying.

 

sorry about the '&'s thing, bad habit, my english teacher gets on at me about it too.

For the next few hours Dantes and his exhibition rode on, ever aware of there surroundings. A rider came up by Dantes side "Sir," The soldier saluted "Lord Darnel wants to see you," He saluted again and returned to formation.

"Take the lead seargent," Dantes rode back to the carriage, wondering why the nobleman wanted to see him. Dantes knocked on the shuttered window and said "My lord?" The shutter was unceremoniously flung open by the Lord Darnel. "You wished to see me lord," asked Dantes,

"We are stopping here for a time," it was more of a statement than a question,

"But sir, we won't make it to the city by nightfall," said Dantes, he was desperate to make it to the city, otherwise he may have trouble getting the guards to open the gates.

"Are you questioning my authority, Commander Dantes?" said Darnel, squinting his eyes to look menacing, it took little effect,

"No, but-"

"Good, then we'll stop," Dantes nodded, he feared to say anything, his anger had been building up through out this trip with the noble to a state so immense, he could hit the man. He rode to sergeant Guillaume, muttering 'arrogant ass' as he rode.

"stop the expedition Guillaume" said Dantes through clenched teeth

"what, why?" sergeant Guillame started

"Do it!" ordered Dantes, raising his voice, Guillaume saluted & shouted

"HALT, DISMOUNT!" most of the men looked at each other confused, from the start of the expedition they had ridden throughout the day, only stopping at nightfall. Soon the Noble shifted his large bulk out the carriage door, and some of riders shrugged and dismounted, followed by the rest of the soldiers. They walked they,re horse in a few large circles before tethering them to the trees, of a forest only around twenty paces from the expeditions western side. Dantes sent scouts ahead and into the forest. He sat down with sergeant Guillaume & two other of soldiers on the opposite side of where the noble man was waundering. One was Corporal Samuel Mortan, he had been one of the ten soldiers to join Dantes in the cavalry charge. The other was A Private Murray Tane, this was his first expedition & was listening intently to Corporal Mortan's stories, trying to pick up hints on battle. Guillaume was listening & laughing at the stories pointing out the parts that were exaggerated or untrue. Dantes sat impatiently, fidgeting a lot. He was never comfortable with unscheduled stops, especially one with dense terrain to the side. For all he knew there was an army waiting in those tree's. After a time the ahead scouts returned, bearing no knews of danger, but his scouts from the forest had not yet returned, Dantes looked into the forest and thought he saw his scouts heading back, but behind the shape came up a lot of men, all armed, Dantes glanced around, he had not realised that the attack from the orcs had actually destroyed more than a third of his original thirty men, the opposing force had only a bit less than twice that, Dantes surged to his feet "bandits" he said under his breath "FORM UP!" the soldiers darted up & ran to join Dantes in a semi circle formation, the remaining five archers in a line at the front, they're arrows already nocked. Upon seeing this attackers charged out of the forest at the line of men. Most wore no armour & appeared to be completely untrained in the weapons they held, as the attacking line left the forest Dantes shouted "BOWMEN, LOOSE" the five bowmen sent they're arrows into the attackers, each one finding its mark, the bowmen, ran back into the semi-circle & drew they're sabre's. "ADVANCE" bellowed Dantes, starting the march to meet the bandits. As both lines met, the screech of steel on steel, sounded followed by the screams of men being cut down. Dantes stabbed into his first attacker, & backhanded his blade into another, wrestling with Mortan. He slashed the throat of another, but the line was being pushed back from the forest. The training the soldiers had learned was obviously coming into effect, as the odds were in Dantes forces favour, cutting down three bandits, to they're one soldier and the superior numbers of the bandits did not help. Soon enough The bandits number dropped below the soldiers number, & the bandits started to flee. But one stood defiant, staring at the remaining twelve soldiers, he was obviously the leader & some of the other bandits stood, hiding in the trees, unsure if they should help they're master. Dantes stepped forward and stood two paces from the man, & presented his sabre. The leader chuckled & hefted his rusted longsword. The bandit leader jumped in with an over hand chop, which Dantes easily sidstepped, he could easily have killed the man, but instead he sliced a cut into his forearm, and stepped back. The leaders face now bore anger and he slashed at Dantes midsection, Dantes jumped back out the way, and ducked the backslash aimed at his head, he then slashed out and took off the mans lower lip. Some of the soldiers, looked at the fight in disgust, Dantes was simply playing with the man. The bandit lunged and Dantes parried the blade, then retaliated with a viscious riposte with lightening which cut off the mans ears and the edge of his nose, The man screamed, through a bloody mouth, before Dantes, stabbed though his eye, skewering the brain. Dantes kicked the man off his blade and carefully wiped it on the mans clothes. He turned to the forest, but the bandits had already fled. He turned back to the expedition to see the noble pale faced, with vomit staining his shirt. Dantes helped to carry the soldiers bodies into a line & buried at the edge of the forest, Mortan said a short blessing & without another word the men mounted they're horses & silently set off in the direction of the city of Athkatla.

 

Nice job. This is action-packed. I daresay that soldiers aren't as interesting as adventurers, but you have proven that belief wrong, just like Christopher Rowley with his Bazil Broketail novels.

 

Heres another bit, I'd really appreciate plenty of critism to see how this is going, thanks

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In the distance Dantes could see the burning torches of the city gate. They continued on until the city walls loomed over them. A voice shouted from the top of the wall, "Hold! Who goes there" a guard leaned over the top of the wall, burning torch in hand.

"A Lord Darnel, let us pass, it is urgent!" Dantes actually had no idea why the noblemen was heading for the city, and frankly, didn't care.

"What is your business," shouted the guard, Dantes took a moment to answer

"It's a family matter"

"Very well," The guard dissapeared from the wall. Dantes could imagine him shouting orders to his men. Suddenly the great gate creaked open, the noise, jerking Dantes from his thoughts. The guard from the wall waved them in and then he returned to the battlements.

Dantes rode back to the carriage, "I'm sure you can make the rest of the way by yourself,"

"Yes, I suppose so," replied the nobleman

"Can I get an address for where I can find you to discuss the matter of my pay," said Dantes, the nobleman hurrumphed and scribbled on a piece of parchment. Dantes took the parchment and slipped into his armour. "Thank you sir, I'll arrive at noon, make sure you are there," The wagon turned off and Dantes rode to where the waiting soldiers were at the stables. From an expedition of thirty they were left with twelve. Dantes sighed, another failed attempt, it had taken, months to train the thirty of his men, and it would take even longer before they would be at their full strength again. He looked at the remaining men, they looked eager for a rest and some leave. "As of now," said Dantes, "I am disbanding this party, come to me tommorrow afternoon to recieve your pay." Without another word Dantes turned around and walked to the nearest tavern, in need of a stiff drink, closely followed by sergeant Guillaume and Corporal Mortan. They sat at a table close to the corner and ordered three ales and three pies. The pies tasted exquisite in their hungry stomachs. After the meal Dantes paid for a room and the three companions went upstairs for a slightly more comfortable night than what they had done for the past few weeks.

In the morning Dantes left Mortan and Guillaume sleeping as he dressed and walked downstairs. The barkeeper had fallen asleep on the bar with his head resting in his arms. Dantes left the tavern out inot the early morning, he wandered the city for some time, entering shops and blacksmiths and inspecting various objects of interest. After leaving one of the shops he looked up at the sun, finding the time to be close to noon. He slipped the parchment out of his pocket. It read

"Government District, Large estate on the west side"

Dantes tucked it back in his pocket and strolled to the Government district. The noble had obviously tried to outsmart Dantes by not giving him the exact address, but there were not too many estates in the Government district and he would find him before long.

Sure enough, Dantes found him, he had noticed the nobles immense bulk moving past a window so he approached a guard. "I have business with Lord Darnel, may I pass." The guard looked at him inquisitively,

"What sort of business?" said the guard,

"He owes me my pay," answered Dantes, his voice just a little impatient

"Ah yes, the lord told me you'd be coming, go straight in," the guard stepped aside and Dantes entered the house. A servant saw him and rang a bell, then quickly departed upstairs. Soon the noble came down the stairs, wearing amazingly bright clothes.

"I'm here for my pay," said Dantes

"ah, your pay, hmm" started the noble, Dantes could sense an excuse "Well, I'm afraid you will not be paid,"

"What!" shouted Dantes fingering the sabre he still wore at his side,

"You have not earned it, your protection was not worth it."

"I lost good men getting you here, men much better than you, you either get my money, or I gut you like a fish and get it myself," The nobles face went pale as Dantes drew his sabre.

"This way," the noble whimpered, he walked up stairs and into a study, from here he unlocked a safe and retrieved a small wooden chest, he opened it and retrieved a pouch from his side, he filled the pouch with twenty of the gold pieces. He closed the box and held the pouch out for Dantes to take. Dantes reached out and picked up the wooden box and left the room, the noble quickly after him in an attempt to retrieve his gold. The noble started pulling at the box, but Dantes spun round and hit him full on in the centre of the nose with a sickening crack, the noble fell and slid along the marble floor. "that felt good," said Dantes before leaving the house.

When Dantes returned to tavern he found Mortan, Tane and Guilaume, eating large paltes of meat and potatoes. He sat down and joined them, "You get our pay then," asked Mortan, Dantes answered by laying the box down on the table "Good, good" Tane finished his meal and pushed back the plate. He then stretch his back across the chair, returned to his normal posistion and looked at Dantes, his face suddenly lit up and he pulled a piece of parchment out of his pocket

"Have a look at this," he laid it out before Dantes, "It's a sabre tourney, I saw it in the market today, thought you might be interested,"

"No, it's okay," said Dantes,

"But look at the prize," said Guillaume, pointing at part of the parchment, "Two of finest sabres ever made, crafted by master Dwarf blacksmith Gont Thunderhammer, come on. Go for it" Dantes looked at Tane, he looked extremely excited, Dantes sighed,

"Fine, I'll do it then" Tane jumped in his seat and clapped,

"Bartender, three more ales!" He sat down with on of the biggest grins on his face Dantes had ever seen.

That same day Dantes paid each of his men thirty gold pieces from the chest, and was still left with a lot of gold. The tourney would start in two days, so Dantes bought he and his friends, very fine clothes for the evening. Dantes wore a black suit, with a white shirt, with frills on the shirts collar and wrist. Mortan bought an old uniform off a woman, it fit him perfectly and once he had beaten off all the dust, he looked very fine. Dantes could imagine him at the tourney, making up stories of his army days. Tane and Guillaume wore similar outfits, both having waistcoats, ties and a jacket with two long tales, Dantes thought they looked ridiculous, but it was a fashion that aparently was just coming in. They folded the clothes and placed them in the top drawer, Mortan had previously kept his underwear in the bottom drawer, but rats had chewed and eaten them, so the top drawer, they figured, was safer. Dantes had a haircut and a shave, but still left his hair long. He always liked it that way, and didn't think it suited him when it was short.

They left for the tourney on horseback. It was held in the grounds of a nobles estate in the temple district. They entered and Dantes paid his entrance fee for the tourney, one hundred gold pieces. His money box was quickly getting lighter. Dantes watched the tourney with Tane, the young man was mesmorized by the skill of the duellists. Dantes watched them carefully, taking note of weaknesses. Eventually Dantes name was called out, he was handed a blunt sabre, and stood two paces from the man opposite, the man was tall, with a goatee, he held his sword expertly even though he seemed only a little older than Tane. The two touched blades hopped back slightly. Dantes opponent jumped at him pushing his blade out forwards, Dantes swivelled and the blade sailed past him, and slowly poked the man in the chest with the tip of his sword. Tane laughed as the man stood up, rage burning his face red. The laughter only angered him more and he slashed wildly at Dantes. Dantes parried or dodged each cut, then stepped in and hit the man with hand guard of the sabre, knocking the man to the ground unconscious. The crowd clapped politely and Dantes helped carry the man to a seat then walked to the buffet table.

Tane approached Dantes and talked in a hurried voice, imitating Dantes swordplay and the final punch. Dantes laughed as he swung and handed Tane a glass. Mortan and Guillaume walked over and congratulated Dantes, and Tane relayed the story to them, complete again with the miming of swords.

Throughout the day Dantes had three other duels, first against a more cautious opponent, who played it safe constantly parrying and dodging, but Dantes speed got the better of the other man and was defeated, the other was a well trained duellist wearing a cavalry uniform. The duel had lasted several minutes until Dantes opponent opened up a quick attack which forced Dantes back but the attack left the man open and Dantes riposte caught on the neck. The third fight was much more simple, as the man had been drinking in between bouts and it seemed that the drink had just taken its full toll, all Dante did was flick the sabre, hitting the mans chest and the judge ruled him the winner. After the fight Dantes dabbed the bead of sweat that tickled down his forehead, while he was congratulated by his friends. Dantes noticed Tane looking round the grounds, Dantes followed his eyes and saw what he was looking at. Two of the duellists were talking. Dantes noted they were to fight in the next duel, Tane asked "Which one do you think you will face in the final?"

"The final?" said Dantes astonished at how far he had gotten

"Yes, didn't you know you were just in the semi's?"

"I hadn't realised," Dante smiled and examined the two duellists who had just taken their place, one was an elf, the other a human. Both stood expertly and when the battle commenced, the crowd gasped, for the swordsmen moved with incredible speed and skill. In the end though the elf nicked the other man in the neck and then the chest. They shook hands and stepped down. Dantes looked at Tane his mouth was wide open as he watched the elf pass. The announcer stood up on the platform that had been reserved for the final and said

"The next duel will be between, Rolynd Dantes and last years champion Orendo Bars, the duel commences in one hour!" The announcer was handed a hour glass and he placed it on the platform. Tane sighed his dissapointment at the wait, but he brightened up again when a pair of jugglers came out to perform. Dantes left the young man in search of Guillaume and Mortan. He found them soon though, with Guillaume half carrying the near unconscious Mortan up from the bottom of the grounds. "What happened?" said Dantes as he approached, Mortan answered with a burp. His breath reeked of alcohol, Da ntes chuckled and got hold of Mortans other arm. "Where was he?" asked Dantes "Sleeping in a rose bed, silly old fart," It took the two men some time to walk the whole garden with Mortan on them and fo a time they managed it, but Guillaume started getting tired "lets just lay him down on that bench and get out of here, we'll get him later". Guillaume pushed Mortan into the bench and Dantes lifted his legs up onto it. Guillaume started to walk away, muttering curses toward Mortan. Dantes caught up with him and walked up the rest of the garden, Guillaume asked "how are doing in the tourney" Dantes shot up straight, he'd forgotten! He ran up the rest of the Garden to the platform, Guillaume shouting after him. Dantes made it just in time. His opponent was standing on the platform already.

Dantes climbed the steps and caught the sabre thrown to him by the announcer. He flexed his muscles then took up a stance. The anouncer shouted "Begin!" The elf Orendo dived in with a flurry of attacks with amazing speed, Dantes parried or dodge each with equal speed. Dantes returned the flurry with an attack of his own. To the audience the sabres moved in a blur, with the bodies. Nothing could be heard except the clashing of steel as the conversations died down and more people watched the duel. Dantes lunged at his opponent, but Orendo used his superior agility and leap up in a flip, twisting sideways in the air over Dantes head. He landed behind Dantes and placed his sabre on the back of his opponents neck, and smiled. The announcer called out, "VIctory, Dantes!"

"What?!" called out Orendo, "I won!"

"No you didn't, look down!" shouted Tane. He looked down to see Dantes sabre against his heart. Dantes had spun the sword in his hand and stabbed behind him, stabbing Orendo just as he landed and before he even raised his sabre. The crowd roared with applause and Orendo slammed down his sabrre, denting the hand guard, and skulking from the platform.

[ October 09, 2002, 21:15: Message edited by: Midnight Falcon ]

 

Again, the action is well written. The paragraphs seem to run on whenthere isn't any dialouge, but when i write it is usually just one long sentence. So I give you props.

 

cool story i like it cant wait for next part
also ur combat is very good

 

The dwarf, Gont, approached Dantes with a huge grin on his face and a long, elegantly carved box in his arms. He was in his happy state because he hadn't wanted his sabres given to the pompous git. He stood before Dantes and opened the box. The two sabres shone in the sunlight and Dantes blinked at their magnificense, and stood wide eyed before them. He had never seen such craftmanship in weapons before. He stroked the hilt gently and touched the blade. The dwarf spoke in a gruff voice, which seemed out of place with the delicacy of the sabres,

"They're yours now, lad. Make sure 'n being taking care of them,"

"Aye", said Dantes, his voice just above a whisper, his eyes still fixed on the blade, "I'll do just that." Gont closed the box and Dantes blinked again and straightened himself,

"Dwarf craftmanship often does that, lad." said Gont as he held up the box for Dantes to take, Dantes slid his arms under the box gently and lifted it up. He then bowed low to the dwarf blacksmith, and in return, the dwarf mimicked the gesture and Dantes walked from the estate to the stables.

His companions were already there saddling their horses, Tane was laughing and clapping, and Mortan was having trouble keeping the horses steady through Tanes revelry, "Shut up boy! I don't want this beast hitting me in the head before I get a chance to hit yours," Tane calmed a little, but his smile was still there. Dantes fastened the box to his saddle then mounted. The others did likewise and the three departed.

As they turned the corner of the driveway, they were intercepted by three guards, two had short spears and the last held a large crossbow. The two groups almost knocked into each other. Once they had calmed the horses, One of the guards looked at Dantes closely. "Rolynd Dantes?" asked the guard, Dantes edged closer to the guard holding the crossbow,

"Yes," said Dantes to the guard, he was now along side the guard, the crossbow trained on Dantes chest,

"We have a warrant for your arrest -" before he could say any more, Dantes grabbed the crossbow and faced it on its owners horse. A deep thunk sounded before the horse neighed, and reared, throwing the rider. One of the longswords, slashed down at Guillaume, but he caught it by the Pommel, and yanked it out the guards hand. Guillaume then reared his horse, as he did this the horses legs kicked out, knocking the two guards from their horses. "GO" shouted Mortan, and they raced away, Dantes holding the crossbow and Guillaume, the longsword.

They galloped as fast as the horses would let them. At the city gates they had no trouble, which suprised Dantes, as he thought they may have to fight their way out. But no posters had been put up for Dantes arrest and the trio rode out of the city, striking north, and camping alongside the path of a forest road.

"Run Daelin!" Screamed the large black man. He hefted a huge hammer and was running up the cave, he was breathing heavily, and was having difficulty running,

"Hurry, Alaric, they cave mouth is up ahead," called the a lean man, in a dulled chainmail shirt, the hilt of a sword jutted up from a back sheath, on the front of this were two throwing knives. On a shoulder strap he heald a long hunting knife.

"Don't worry, I'll catch up. Now run!" Daelin, turned and sprinted for the cave mouth, it was only ten paces away. He risked a glance back, Alaric had slowed even more. Daelin could see it now. The creature was gianormous, its huge body slivered along the ground like a snake. On its back were two huge wings, but some time in the past, those wings had been crippled, and were now useless. That information was why daelin and alaric had first entered the cave, they thought a crippled dragon would be an easy venture and they would be rich and famous when they emerged with the dragons horde. How wrong they had been.

Daelin charged out the cave mouth and turned to see Alaric falter and stumble, "Run Daelin, Go!"

"Hurry Alaric, your almost there!" suddenly Alaric spun to face the crippled Dragon. It was mere feet from him. It reared up and roared at Alaric, Alaric screamed a battle cry in return, and hurled his battle hammer high in the air, crashing into the roof of the cave, bringing rock and other debris, toppling down on top of him and the dragon, sealing the cave. Daelin dropped to the ground, tears streaming down his face. His only friend was gone, crushed under a pile of rock. His mind fleeted back to when they had spoke to the men in the tavern, they had told them of the dragon. At first Alaric had been against it, but daelin had convinced him after a time. He realised then that he had caused the death of his best friend. He stood up and turned, walking away from the cave, away from the dragon, away from Alaric, tears, still streaming down his face.

Daelin travelled most of the day and into the night. He was walking along a forest track when he heard an argument at the side of the rode, "Can't you light a fire boy!"

"I can't in this wind,"

"Give us it here"

"See, neither can you"

"Shut up,"

"Hello the camp," shouted Daelin,

"Hello," came back the voice, "Come in slowly" Daelin did so, holding his hands out to the side as he walked in, showing he meant no harm. Around the unlit fire, were three men, one held a crossbow, aimed at Daelin, another held a longsword, one was in a formal military uniform, and another, looking barely out of his teens sat, holding some flint. "Come sit" said the first man lowering his crossbow. Daelin did as he was bid and sat, "My name is Dantes,"

"I am Daelin,"

the man pointed to each of the men "This is Guillaume, Tane and Mortan." Daelin nodded to each, Tane started trying to light the fire the fire

"I could do that for you," Mortan made a noise and crossed his arms, Tane held out the flint but Daelin waved it aside. Holding out his index finger he concentrated on the fire, then pressed his finger to it. The dry wood shot to life illuminating the four men. From this light Daelin could be seen more clearly, especially his cats eyes.

Tane jumped back, as Guillaume jumped in, sword raised ready to strike. "Wait," said Dantes, his voice, calm "He means no harm,"

"He is a Tiefling!" hissed Guillaume

"I noticed, but that gives you no right to kill him." Guillaume, calmed himself and sat down.

"Forgive me, I am a little on edge" apologised Guillaume

"It doesn't matter. It's happened before," said Daelen,

"Whats a Tiefling?" asked Tane to no one in particular, Daelin replied

"In my bloodline, there has been a fiend of some sort," he laughed, "perhaps even an evil god from the Time of Troubles, though, I have to say, thats very unlikely. I have been blessed with great speed and power, also a long age, I am actually one hundred and eighty two human years old. But I have also been cursed. Tieflings have a reputation for evil, its in our bloodline, but there are some who are different and are good at heart, one of these is me. But even with the goodness of heart, I fear I am doomed to one of the nine hells." Silence fell over the group once more, and then they slept.

Dantes closed his eyes to bathe in the dawn sun as he did every morning he was in the wild. "It is beautiful, isn't it" Dantes remained with his eyes closed. He felt a strange sense of calm around the Tiefling

"Yes, it is" Daelin walked away to a larger space in the forest, and began to stretch his muscles. He took a deep breath, then picked up his sword. Dantes stood watching as he took up a strange stance. His left leg was out front, bent at the knee as his right leg was tucked behind it. His sword was horizontal, a foot away from his forehead. The first two fingersof his left hand were placed against his ear. Suddenly he jumped up spinning in the air, his legs working as if kicking, while the sword was slashing down, he landed into a new stance. This time more basic, with two hands on the sword with his left leg out front and his right, behind. He then moved with astonishing speed, though not as fast as Dantes could, cutting and piercing the air. He finished with back hand slash which would have slashed a man clean in half, he rested his stomach on his knees then stood and saluted with his sword.

Dantes turned and went back to camp. If he could convince him, Daelin would make an excellent addition to his band. He chuckled as he walked remembering Mortans suggestion for his adventuring band. 'The Knights of The Cesspit.

 

Nice addition, you like Tieflings? I love the word you used "gianormous." Makes for good times it does. (Thanks for replying on "Everybody Writes! Nobody Quits!" I'd appreciate you coming back to it and adding again, your character needs to get added into the rest of the absurdity, and you would be the best person to do that.)

 

very good again and nice comedy at the end but i noticed that ur spelt dealin wrong one on the time u spelt it dealen but never mind that cant wait for next addition

 

I think tieflings rock, and thanks for your encouragement on this, I appreciate it, heres the next bit.

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"Can I have a shot?" asked Tane. Dantes had been firing the crossbow into a tree trunk for the better part of an hour.

"Yes. Here" he handed the crossbow to Tane "You put the head on the ground. Thats it, now put your feet in the stirrups and wind that handle. Good, now load this quarrel and aim by lining up the two sights andfire at the trunk."

"Which bit?" asked Tane, Dantes drew a knife and cut into the tree, making a target of four circles,

"Try to get it in the middle," Tane pressed the stock to his shoulder and aimed. The bolt thunked into the middle of the target, "Very good, lets try it a bit further back." Again and again Tane hit the centre of the target, despite being moved back after each shot. "I think thats enough. It looks like we've found something your good at,"

"Good, cause he's useless at every thing else," said Mortan as he walked to the target tree and urinated loudly, sighing as he did so. Tane aimed the unloaded crossbow at his rear and pulled the trigger. Dantes laughed and clapped him on the back, then shouted to Mortan.

"Hurry up, we move in half an hour,"

After a breakfast of hot oats they mounted their horses, Daelin on the back of Tane's. From his pack he pulled out a piece of black leather from his pack. He slid it over his head showing it to be a mask. It passed nearly all the way round his head, tied back by two thick cords of string about an inch apart, at the front the nose piece had been made well and the long eye holes had been covered by a veil. "Why do you where that?" asked Tane

"Because, some people get the wrong idea when they see my eyes," Dantes started them off at a canter, following the path. Daelin wanted to tell them of the dragons unguarded horde, but he couldn't bear to see the crushed body of Alaric. He took a deep breath and asked Tane to ride to Dantes. When he was alongside. He told Dantes of the cave.

"That sounds good, my friend. Which way,"

"I'll take the lead with Tane" said Daelin, he went up front and told Tane when to turn.

"How long until we reach the cave," said Dantes,

"I walked for half a day and half a night to reach your camp, I have no idea on how long from horseback,"

They reached the cave within a day, "How are we supposed to get in" shouted Guillaume, "the caves blocked," Daelin dismounted and walked to the nearest rock and pulled it away, flinging it to the ground a metre away,

"Dig," he said simply. Guillaume shook his head and dismounted, using his massive muscles to pull away the debris. The others joined him swiftly pulling away the debris for a good part of an hour

"I need a rest" said Tane

"Take a rest. All of us should take a rest," said Dantes. The four sat down and took swigs from their water flasks. Daelin stood up and stretched. Consentrating on the rocks, Daelin let out a small ball of raw energy smashing into a boulder and shattering it. "Well done" said Dantes "keep that up for a little longer and this will be much easier." Daelin smiled at him and let out another ball of energy. After six more energy blasts, Daelin dropped to the ground exhausted. "Lets start digging again," said Dantes getting up and placing a water cannister into his hands. Daelin rejoined them after a couple of minutes, hauling away the rocks with the encouragment of Guillaume.

After another hour a hole was breached in the wall of rocks and Tane looked through the hole. "its to dark, I can't see anything," he called to the others,

"Can you fit through?" shouted Dantes

"No" he shouted back,

"come back," shouted Daelin, Tane did as he was bade, and descended the debris. Daelin blasted an energy ball, opening a larger hole.

"Mortan," said Dantes, "get some torches"

The inside of the cave was very dark, and even with the glowing fire from the torches, vision was extremely limited. "By Tyr," Guillaumes whisper echoed through the cave, "Its bigger than I thought!" Daelin knelt by the dragon, and turned walked for a couple of paces before dropping to his knees. The crushed body of Alaric lay before him. Through the tears he muttered a short spell, rocks dropped onto the corpse, forming a long pile. At its top a large slate from a boulder dug into the ground vertically. Concentrating on the slate, Daelin magically burned Alarics name into the stone and underneath wrote "A Dear Friend".

Dantes layed a gentle hand on his friends back. "Its time to go my friend, I dare not stay here long." Daelin stood and nodded,

"Lets go,"

Even though the tunnel was dark, it was not difficult to find the way, as it was just a single long path, heading ever downwards. Quite suddenly the path opened up to a massive circular hole, the inside was filled with gold, jewels, magical weapons and armour. But also lying there was a massive black Dragon. Its eyes opened and a puff of smoke blew out its nostrils. A roar erupted from it followed by a blast of fire, barely avoided by the party "You said there was only one!" shouted Dantes to Daelin as they crouched behind a rock

"There was only one!" He shouted back through the fire and roaring, "Shoot it, Tane". Tane closed his eyes and sunk deeper behind the rock, but he opened them and screaming a battle cry, jumped from his hiding place and fired a single bolt into scaleless chest. Another roar erupted from the giant maw and Guillaume ran out flinging his longsword into the lower belly. Both wounds were minor and barely inconvenianced the dragon. Guillaume dropped and grabbed a glowing Greatsword
from the ground before diving for cover behind a stalagmite. Daelin looked at Guillaumes cover and then at the cave roof. Above the dragon was a huge Stalactite. Directing a ball of energy he launched it into the base of the stalactite. It came crashing down on its head as Tane fired a quarrel into its eye. The distraction gave Guillaume his second chance of attack and he charged out, slashing deep into the dragons serpentine body. The blade passed cleanly and easily through, Guillaume dived back behind the stalagmite, smiling at the blade. The dragon let out another firy breath in Guillaume direction, and he screamed in agony as the heat seared through his body. Crying a battle cry Daelin, Dantes and Mortan dashed from their hiding place and set upon the dragon. Holding his sabre like a dagger Mortan staabbed into the body with all his considerable strength, going right to the hilt. Dantes threw him his second sabre, which he caught expertly before stabbing again and again. Another bolt sliced through the air, hitting the quarrel already in the beast, causing it to bite deeper. Dantes ducked under the tail before diving onto it and stabbing into the flesh. The dragon tried vainly to throw him off, but Dantes held on with an iron grip, dragging the sbre through the tail, crimson blood, spurting from the massive wound. Using his immense agility and dexterity, Daelin, juped from scale to scale on the Dragons back, landing at last, on its head. Drawing his razor sharp blade, hstabbed ito the back of the head, but the skull was so thick, his blade wouldn't pass through the skull, but he continued to hack at it twice, before being flung through the air, his legs flailing before he twisted into a cat like shape, landing feet first and rolling along the rocky floor, coming to a halt as his body crashed into a rock, where he lay still.

Guillaume rushed a gain from cover to assist Dantes by cutting off the edge of the tail. Off balance now the dragon tumbled, coming crashing to the ground. The vibrations woke Daelin. It took him a moment to get his bearings, but when he did he charged in with the spinning kick, slashing through the bone and skin of the dragons nose, making it impossible to breath fire.

The dragons great wings flapped, blowing the whole party to the ground. It roared and jackknifed down, at Daelin. Daelin waited until the last minute before he spun and released his blade to meet the Dragons attack. He dived out of the way before the knife pierced the eye with a large 'pop' and skewering the unprotected brain. The Dragon smashed lifelessly to the ground, knocking the the party from its feet once again. And then it died.

Dantes and Mortan approached cautiously to the dragon from behind as Guillaume walked out front. Before diving in and slicing the neck. It took only three strikes with the Great sword before the head rolled clear. Only then did the group lower its guard.

 

its really good and i liked the combat although i thought u said guillame got a bit fryed and i thoght u meant as in toasted so he couldnt partake in dragon killing any more

 

Cool. I must say it is getting even better than it started. Very smart move, decapitating the thing (dragons are tricky m/fers) sounds like an interesting sword.

 

Heres the next bit, its a bit short, but I've had to re-write it twice already because some one keeps closing the window when I go somewhere....

************

Dantes dislodged his sabre from the dragons tail. His friends were already filling their packs with gold and gems. Guillaume had picked up a shining suit of field plate, and was busy trying to buckle the straps. Daelin had swapped his chainmail shirt for another, this one was darker and seemed lighter on the Tiefling. Dantes himself, Put on a new Breastplate of shining gold with silver, shin wrist and shoulder guards. The helm was gold with silver trimmed cheek guards.

Daelin knelt down and picked up a crossbow. Its body and stock were black and the wings were made of iron. Several patterns were carved onto the wings, Daelin guessed these to be runes, but he couldn't be sure, for he had no knowledge in glyph magic. He found a quiver of bolts, of a similar design to the crossbow and handed them to Tane. Tane thanked him, but Daelin was distant and barely noticed the words.
Daelin was staring at a plane unadorned chest, he sensed a slight magic from it. He approached it cautiously and broke off the lock with a rock. Inside were several phials and bottles, a leather bag filled with a glittering dust. He layed out the items on the cave floor to find a dull mettalic rock and a piece of parchment. Daelin glanced at the parchment, and his eyebrows shot up in suprise. The parchment showed instructions and a spell for enchanting weapons. He pulled out his sword and followed the instructions, pouring the potions over the blade and then sprinkling the dust over the sword. The sword looked a complete mess, and the potions seemed wasted, until Daelin pressed the rock to the blade and muttered the spell. As he did so the potions bubbled on the blade and evaporated, the rock glowed in his hand and shrunk to nothingness. When the steam died down Daelin was left with a magnifecent blade, which looked like polished silver. He sheathed the sword as Mortan shouted out.

"Oi, Guillaume, you could comb your hair in that sword." Mortan was sitting with his back to the wall, a crate of fine dwarfen drinks. Guillaume turned to him and started in his direction. A though shot to Dantes head immediately and he said it out loud. "Why aren't you dead?"

"What?" said Guillaume, "What do you mean by that?"

"I saw get hit by one of those flame bursts," Guillaumes mind shot back. Why am I not dead.

"I think I know why," said Daelin, returning from the chest, "The sword may have something to do with it, lets find out" He flicked a notched longsword on the ground with his foot, catching it in his hand. He held it out in front of him for Guillaume to strike, Guillaume sighed and slashed his great sword across the the blade. The sword Daelin held blazed into fire as the other sword hit, causing him to drop it.

"A flame sword," whispered Guillaume,

"Then it must have given him some fire resistance as well," said Dantes,

"Exactly, thats why hes not toasted," said Daelin,

"Wait though," said Tane "Why didn't it burn the dragon?"

"Well" Answered Daelin "A dragon is a creature of fire, I'm guessing it must have a large resistance to fire. Still the edge of the sword has reduced friction, and is razor sharp. That is a rare sword, my friend."

"What enchantment have you put on your sword, Daelin?" asked Dantes

"Its the same reduced friction enchantmaent on Guillaumes sword, only mine is more powerful. The blade can pass through many materials, even iron, though less cleanly than it would with wood."

"I think we are more or less kitted out, not to mention rich, now our adventuring days can truly begin." said Dantes, Daelin laughed,

"This is usually when most adventurers finish." He started to walk off.

"Daelin, can you block the cave again when we leave, I don't want some lucky beggar stumbling on our horde,"

"Aye, but I can do better. I have a friend named Baelus, he is a powerful Sorcerer. He could place some Ward spells on the cave, and we wouldnt have to pay out to move it into the cities and having to constantly have to pay for security and the like. Mind you, he is a greedy bas*ard, but it'll still cost considerably less."

"Where is your friend now?" asked Dantes

"Last I heard he was in Waterdeep. But it'll take over a month to get there on horse back"

"I'm sure it will be worth it, tell the others to start saddling the horses." daelin walked away, but he turned before he went into the darkness.

"We may have to break him out of prison. He's good at heart, but he's a bloody idiot," Dantes sighed and filled his pack with more god, before following his companions.

 

Very nice. Very Nice. Don't really have any suggestions for you, it's good stuff. A lot like my writing style, except I would tend to be long-winded and use words that very few people know what they mean and that I'm probably not using correctly, I'm just saying that it's nice to know that someone else out there thinks at least a little like me. (By the way I think you and me are all that's left over on Everybody Writes! Nobody Quits!, I'll keep going as long as someone else does at least.)

 

I noticed our writing styles were similar. I think that the Everybody writes! Nobody Quits, is coming along well, seems like an interesting story line is unfolding. Heres the next bit of Black Sun.

***************

"No you fool," shouted Baelus at the bartender, "I said slightly watered, not filled from the pond," the bartender hid his anger well and poured Baelus another glass of wine. "Well done," said Baelus as he walked to a table.

Sipping the wine Baelus looked around the room. Scum, he thought, all of them. I shouldn't even be within eyesight of these....these creatures. He downed the wine and waved to the bartender to bring him another. The bartender walked over with a jug which he lay down on the table. Baelus placed a two golden coins into the bartenders hand. A jug of wine only cost a single silver piece. Twenty of these silvers made up a gold coin. The bartender thanked him gratefully and backed away.

The wind howled through the tavern as the door opened and five men walked in and closed the door behind them swiftly. They were all bearded, except for the last two. The first was tall, wearing a golden breatplate. The second wore a long green cloak, with a brown leather jerkin underneath, he hefted a finely made cross bow. The third wor an old army uniform, his hair was grey with age and red rims had formed about his eyes. the fourth was tall, well muscled, and sported no hair at all, except for two severly burnt eyebrows. The last man to come in, Baelus noticed instantly and ducked under the table.

Daelin saw Baelus slide under his table and he walked over. "Get up you, idiot. People are watching." Baelus came up from under the table. He looked different from when Daelin had last seen him, his hair now sported several grey streaks for one. The other men sat down at the table. Mortans hand went for the wine, but Tane batted it aside.

"You're not to drink, its bad for you now."

"Nonsense boy" replied Mortan "It's just to get my energy back, you'll see!" Daelin turned back to Baelus.

"I need a favour from you, It's easy and it'll make us even."

"Even!" exclaimed Baelus, "We are even!"

"We are not, remember in troll moors"

"Remember that brothel. That woman only took one fare a night, because she was the best. When we got her to choose between us, she chose you. That was because I wove a enchantment over her to go for you. Otherwise she would never have over come my good looks, and would never quite as good in bed again, as she would never find a better lover."

"Baelus, you are a pathetic liar. The fact remains you owe me a favour, so you'll do this for me." daelin locked his stare on Baelus. Baelus sighed and agreed, "Excellent, we'll leave within a week. And you'll stay with us through out the week. Don't want you running off now, do we,"

"So what is it you want me to do," asked Baelus,

"I'll tell you later," said Daelin.

The six slept well that night. All except Dantes. For the month they had travelled they came upon no bandits, orcs or anything hostile to them at all. Daelin had put it down to luck, but Dantes sensed there was more to it. Eventually he nodded off waking shortly before midday. The party had left earlier and had left him to sleep. He dressed and descended the stairs. The tavern keeper was busy drying cups and Dantes nodded to him and walked out into the sun.

The market was busy as Dantes walked along. He met Tane some way along. He was wearing new armour and clothes. He had bought a black leather Jerkin under which had wore chainmail. over his dark trousers, he had bought a new set of riding boots. Over his shoulder he held a new pack. Dantes guessed to be filled with other clothes. He still held the crossbow in the other hand. On their travels Tane had tested the new weapon. When the bolt was loosed, shocks of lightening shot out enveloping the bolt, charging it with imense power. Ever since Tane had kept the crossbow by his side. "Where are the others?" asked Dantes.

"Further down. Mortans being picky, in what to wear. Only the finest, he says. Guillaume bought himself a new cloak. Nice and black. Suits him in that new armour. I'll take you down."

When they reached them, Mortan had bought a blue shirt with black trousers. He still wore his old boots and Dantes second sabre. "Took your time" said Mortan, "Its just turned midday." as the tower clock struck twelve the land turned to darkness. The six looked up at the sun, it had gone completely black.

"What is that?" asked Tane.

"Its an eclipse. Only it can't be, where is the suns ring?" said Baelus. "It ought to pass in a couple of minutes."

But the darkness didn't pass, it stayed black. The city torches were lit but people hid indoors. "I think we should go to the observatory." said Baelus "If it is an eclipse, a planet will be in front of the sun, if not," he paused, "I am at a loss."

The staff at the observatory had already checked. It was definately not an eclipse.

The group sat in the the tavern silently. They seemed doomed to spend the rest of life in darkness. To most it seemed the end of the world, to an other small percent saw it as a beginning. Eventually the world would die out, thought Daelin, in the south all woman were not alowwed to show their skin to the sunlight. They had died because of this. A brightly coloured messenger walked through the door. "Dantes!" he announced, Dantes wavd him over. The messenger handed him a parchment. Many were held in his bag and the messenger rushed off. Dantes unrolled the parchment and read out loud

"Dear adventurer,

You have been invited to my home. This is urgent, and must be acted upon the opening of this letter.

Lord Jallis"

"Well?" asked Tane

"Well what," said Guillaume

"Aren't we going?"

"Yes." said Dantes, "lets go."

The Lord Jallis' home was the grandest Tane had ever seen, and he said so. As they approached the gate they were stopped by two guards. Dantes showed them his invitation and they were rushed in. The inside was more magnificent than the outside. They were pointed to a large hall by a servant and they entered. A large number of Adventuring bands had already arrived, and large numbers were entering. Soon every adventuring band in the city were in that hall.

Lord Jallis appeared on a balcony above. "Friends," he said "I have gathered you here to assemble on a mission. For the most of you, you will assemble into a large force to join Neverwinters army. We need this as we have recieved word that a large number of orcs, trolls, goblins and even giants, have massed together to form a great army. We need you to help as you have had knowledge in battling these creatures. A handful of you will be sent on a seperate mission. You will have to find the cause of the Black Sun. We have reason to believe the two catastrophes are intertwined. My servants are handing out notices to you, once you have them report to the servant by the door, he will lead you to me after wards. Also I would like Rolynd Dantes to join them. The reat of you shall assemble in the courtyard. That is all."

The servants handed out the scrolls for the Black Sun investagors. Daelin and Baelus were handed one each. "We will wait for you at the tavern," said Guillaume as Dantes, Daelin and Baelus walked away to join the servant.

Lord Jallis met them in a plain room with enough seats to accomodate them all. Jallis entered soon after. "Before I start, all that is said here must not be repeated out of these walls, for morale reasons. For if you do not succeed, all the major cites of Toril will fall. The Blackening of the sun is being used to allow the orcs and trolls to move at all times. These to races make up the bulk of the army. When the suns light pours over them the trolls will die immediately and the orcs will either flee or wither away. The rest of the army may flee after this, although many will still stand. That is for all of you. Except you Dantes, you will be the general of our armies. You are the most qualified. Do not fail me friends, our lives depend on it!"

 

very well written but it has a few spelling mistakes but apart from that i couldnt do better well done hope for the next part soon

 

Dalveen, you should try punctuating. It makes sense. Very good Midnight Falcon, I had meant that it seems like you and I are all that's left of my little creativity experiment. I suppose other people can't handle having their own work expanded on. I had figured people might be a little bit more mature. So "Black Sun" only just got started really. I'm ready to camp out for a nice long haul.

 

Dantes stepped out into the cooling breeze. It felt good against the previous heat of the lords rooms. Daelin came out with Baelus moments later. Baelus swore "How are we to do this? We have. probably the fiercest and deadliest army of the realms heading straight to neverwinter, a battle against them in darkness and the only way to win, is to return the sun to its natural form, in a month! All is lost, we are doomed to lose the battle"

"No." said Dantes, "They have never fought against me before,"

"Ha," mocked Baelus, "you're telling me you can defeat the most deadly force in Toril, with a handful of weekend warriors!"

"Yes." Baelus laughed and walked away,

"Are you sure?" asked Daelin, Baelus was now round the corner,

"Yes, as long as you can restore the sun. Even then, theres a chance. The warriors are veterans, they've been battling these kind of creatures for years. Go to Guillaume and get him to round up the most experienced adventurers, we need advice. Go now. Tell him to send them to the Weapon Maker, I'll be waiting there." Daelin broke off into a jog.

Within an hour, Guillaume had three of the most experienced adventurer leaders at the forge. One had needed a little more convincing, but Guillaumes promises turned him. Dantes greeted them, "You heard of the army approaching the city," he was answered by a chorus of nodding heads. " I need your help. I am to be the general, but to do so, I need to learn of the weaknesses of the creatures, even the obvious ones."

"Fire for the trolls," said the first leader, a older adventurer than the other two.

"Crossbows for the orcs, tough hides that can sometimes even stop a longbow. The crossbows will get past that."

"You'll need engines for the giants. My band once constructed giant cross bows for them, though a trebuchet will work well to."

"What about goblins?" asked Dantes, "Any particular weaknesses,

"Just being a goblin." said the elderly adventurer. Dantes laughed,

"Thank you, ready your men. Go to the blacksmith if you need new weapons or repairs, he has orders to work for free for the next month."

"very good General," The elderly man walked away with the others. Dantes turned and entered the weapon Makers workshop. The Weapon Maker, Belek was a large man, with long, red hair and a scruffy beard.

"Well, whats needed?" he asked

"Fire. We're facing trolls, we need something to project the fire from the battlements. Trebuchets for the giants, and giant crossbows - "

"Ballista's"

"and normal crossbows for the orcs." The blacksmith nodded and made a list,

"I'll get my apprentices started on it now."

"thank you." dantes turned and walked for the door. He guessed the adventurers would be well armed with melee weapons, and if he could get enough sabres or blade heavy longswords he could set up a cavalry unit. That would be devastating to the goblins and orcs. Added to the paladins lance charge, the enemy would be broken. But lack of numbers would definately be pressing, even with his current tactics. Tonite he would have to plan the defence of neverwinter. They would have no engines, as orcs weren't the brightest of creatures, so that may have been the giants job, smash the walls. They would need to be dealt with quickly, trolls were powerful and could hurl rocks, but the weapon maker was working on that. He could only pray Daelin was successful in returning the sun.

 

very good. could be longer though. hope the next part comes soon. THERE IVE USED PUNCUATION!!!!