Can Star Wars: Episode III possibly not suck?

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As a huge Star Wars fan, who is currently hoping against hope that the third installment in the Star Wars "Prequel" series won't suck big dogs, I have to say the comments in this article mirror my sentiments exactly. To me, the three biggest problems with the series are Hayden Christensen, Natalie Portman, and yes...Dark Lord of the Nerds himself, Darth George Lucas.

Remove all 3 from the picture, and Episode III may have a chance at living up to nearly 30 years of fan devotion and anticipation.

My suggestions: People used to whine when they heard that Leonardo DiCaprio was being considered for the role of Anakin. Yeah yeah, pretty boy, Titanic...whatever. He's a DAMN fine actor, and even if he was a mediocre actor, he looks like Anthony Hopkins next to Christensen. My ASS, a few hours after a well-made burrito, can deliver lines and show more intensity than this drama-club reject. BLAME CANADA!

Natalie Portman is incredibly tasty, but come on - she can't act. I loved her in "The Professional," and had high hopes that she would blossom into a rather tasty adult as well as a fine actress. I was sadly only 50% right. Scarlett Johansen would've been a great choice. Rachel Leigh Cook would've been better. Question: Whose bright idea was it for her to have a funny accent in Episode 1, but not Episode 2? Could it be...

Mr. George "I have absolutly no idea what the fans who've worshiped me for decades are looking for" Lucas? Mr. "Jar-Jar is a good idea?" Mr. "You're midichlorians are showing?" Mr. "You mean I should actually hire actors who can ACT? What does that mean?" I just want to kick him in the nuts. Twice. With a golf shoe.

How could he screw this up so bad? How could he so poorly cast the role of a lifetime? I can't think of a single actor who wouldn't give his agent's left nut to play Darth Vader, argueably the most world-renouned and recognized villain in movie history. Star Wars was a pretty much un-screw-upable movie franchise. How can one man be so out of touch with his own fans? UGH! What a scruffy looking nerf herder.




Anyway...VENT!

 

It all sounds pretty depressing. Is this the definitive end of the Star Wars movie series?

 

At least Ewan McGregor is in it. Now that fella can act, though it does look like he's taking the piss an awful lot.

 

I lost interest when he screwed up the plot. Now I realise I may be more than just a little into Star Wars, but how's this for a global screw up.

In Episode 2, anakin goes looking for mummy. He searches Tatooine, and comes across a little farm with a certain Lars family. Anyway, he rescues mummy, but has to bury her at said Lars frm. Now years later, obi-wan is looking for somewhere to stash baby luke. Where shall we hide him I know! the last place Anakin will look....Where his mom is buried! of Course! I think not.
It's more likely tht Obi-wan stashed him with his brother, Owen Lars. A la the established biographies of th last 25 years.

Why on earth Mr.Lucas decided to ignore the fans for such simple minded plot explanation is beyond me. As far as I'm concerened he can shove episode 3 where the sun dont shine.

 

Well, D.R., if you want to blame Canada, I have it on good authority that the theme song for the new movie will be sung by Celine Dion.

 

It's gonna suck.

There's no other answer.

It's just going to suck.

 

I say 'Bah' to you nay-sayers. All five Star Wars movies rock and I bet Episode III will be great. You guys are just far too picky!!

 

I am hoping against all hope that III will be good. Clones may not have been a masterpiece but compared to the Menace it was a huge leap forward. I stick my hope to that everything just *have* to go straight to hell. There cant be anything for the kiddies, everyone shall die! It must be dark and gritty and imperial. It must be hopeless and gloomy.

I know that the chances for this are very slim. Lucas will probably manage to make the death of the Republic and extermination of the Jedis into a nice happy family fiest...

 

IT WILL NOT SUCK!!!

Anything that can put an end to the continual dashing of hopes of all who loved the first two movies, can't be "all suck" (notice I said the "first two"...I basically think the mighty sucking sound began back with "Return of the Jedi")

Perhaps someone else *cough-Mel Gibson-cough* can step in to make parts 7 thru 9, while we confine Lucas to house arrest at Skywalker Ranch.

@Splunge...you have an uncanny way to merge numerous threads into one

 

Thanks! (I think).

But I will truly be a master when I figure out how to blame Bush for it all.

 

I have good confidence that Episode III will be awesome and it will explain many things that people are complaining about now (such as why Luke would be hidden at the Lars homestead, etc.) Let's say Episode III does in fact tie things up well and explains things in a way very few saw coming (mainly in part because they don't get sidetracked on silly little tirades about Jar Jar or Anakin, the future Darth Vader, actually having emotions and crying.) Do you think protestors will eat crow and recant? Well, it will show people for what they want to believe, putting them into one of two camps. First, there are those who really did jump the gun and call out the prequels before seeing the whole picture and are willing to admit their mistake. And second, those who will dig their stuborn anti-Lucas heels in the ground and find something else to complain about.

From interviews and from basic screenwriting, I'm pretty confident that Lucas knows his ending and knew it before he decided to write the prequels. That's why some things in Menace and Clones don't make the best of sense currently, but they will. Aside from the original Star Wars, A New Hope, all other episodes have bent the rules of filmaking that everything has to be wrapped up in one film. And that's been fine. Most people didn't have a problem with it for Empire Strikes Back and Return of the Jedi, and it should be the same situation here. Empire had unresolved ambiguity that made no sense until people saw Jedi and then it clicked. (For example, Yoda's mysterious comment, "No, there is another..." aka Leia, and another example, confirmation that Darth Vader was indeed Luke's father.) The same will happen here. I think a lot of people realize this too, but are just using this ambiguity in the prequels as a front for some good ole fashioned Lucas bashing.

Well, that's enough that. I know I'm looking forward to it. And here's my big prediction list (note, I am not keeping up with spoilers this time, this is totally my predictions):

Anakin will find out that Padme had it arranged for Shmi to be freed by a reputable man on Tatooine. The details won't be explained, but it will reasonably make sense that after Menace, and the victory at Naboo, Padme will send someone or a select group from her Naboo administration to go to Tatooine and find a suitable companion for Shmi. Why would she do this? Because Menace does an excellent job of character development in showing that Padme is a compassionate being. She had an unusal connection with a boy that not only risked his life to get them off of Tatooine and to Coruscant, but who helped them decisively in the conflict against the Trade Federation at Naboo. This also helps explain why she falls for him so quickly in Clones. And Padme disagreed with slavery. She would want Shmi to be free.

Now, why would she not say anything to Anakin in Clones when they go looking for his mother at Watto's shop? I think she would have if Watto hadn't coughed it up. But seriously, watch her in these scenes. She has a suspicious look on her face, like she wants to tell Anakin something but lets Watto do it. Then of course when they get to the Lars Homestead, Shmi isn't there and Padme has every reason in the world not to tell Anakin the truth. The truth being that she was indirectly responsible for his mother's death by freeing Shmi. Even though she meant to do good, it ultimately ended up turning bad. At least that's how Anakin will come to see it when the truth is revealed to him in Episode III.

And I think this will be one of the driving reasons why Anakin will turn to the dark side and turn his back on Padme. It makes good sense to me anyhow. Whether Lucas goes this route or not, we'll see. But that's my prediction.

Other smaller predictions...
The opening crawl's first sentence will be a lot like ROTJ's. "Luke Skywalker has returned to his home planet of Tatooine..." SO Episode III's crawl will start out "Anakin Skywalker something something something, etc." You get the picture.

Jedi's opening crawl also contained a surprise, a second Death Star had been secretly constructed. So, expect some kind of surprise in Episode III's opening crawl.

My gut also tells me that possible scenarios in Episode III might include things like Yoda mysteriously dissapearing or Palpatine mysteriously dissapearing (as a ruse that he has been kidnapped when in reality this is a set-up) Why do I think these things? Well Palps situation would be a good reason for him to be offplanet Coruscant and somewhere else, seducing Anakin. And the Yoda situation would be a good reason why the Jedi appear to be weak and Mace steps up to the plate and consequently dies. Meanwhile, Yoda is going around in the background setting things up and hidding them from Palps, such as the twins (and then telling or meeting up with Obi-Wan with them.)

I also think Padme will try to stick by Anakin's side even after he has turned in order to redeem him. She will fail.

All in all, I love all the Star Wars films and am interested to see how much I will like Episode III in the grand scheme of things. When I take into account story, characters, settings, art direction, score, the works, my favorite episode overall in Empire Strikes Back. But my second favorite close behind it will probably shock many of you prequel dissenters. It's Phantom Menace. Clones, A New Hope, and Jedi are all tied for third for me right now. I love individual scenes from all of them respectively, but overall Empire and Menace are my favorites.

 

I'm another who didn't like Menace, though not quite with the same vehemence shown by many so far, for me it's as simple as 'it just didn't work very well on so many levels'. Anyway, that said, Episode III's suckiness is relative. Compare it to Menace - as so many did with Clones - and it will easily rock IMO, yet compare it to Jedi and it will likely suck dogs. I'm hoping it will be at least good though. I also hope that Jay Laga'aia and Temuera Morrison get bigger parts this time around and wtf is up with Naboo having young queens all the time?

Anyway, anyone who's checked out the full cast/crew list for Ep III may notice a spelling mistake for the name credited as playing Vice Chairman Mas Amedda - the B is supposed to be a G because that's me!!!

 

I think it's rather revealing that the movie that most fans will agree is the best in the series..."The Empire Strikes Back"...has the following pedigree...

Director: Irvin Kershner
Screen Writer: Leigh Brackett
Screen Writer: Lawrence Kasdan
Producer: Gary Kurtz




Executive Producer: George Lucas

The movie that was the best of them all...was the one he was furthest away from. I don't want to belabor the issue, and there are so many here who seem to be so much more literate when reviewing movies (I basically use "SUCKS", "SORTA SUCKS", "VERY LITTLE SUCKING" and "GEE, I CAN COME HERE AND DO THIS FOR TWO HOURS?"), but in my opinion, George Lucas is an immensely wealthy but otherwise untalented geek...and for that, I love him!

I still hold out a faint hope that he has one more trick left up his sleeve...but I am prepared to come home after opening night, order a pizza, and watch "Luke...I am your Father"....

 

'I killed them all. And not just the men. But the women, and the children. <Something about animals>. And I slaughted them like animals! AND I HATE THEM!'

That is, by far, the dodgiest line I've ever heard. The hopeless non-setting accent doesn't help at all. Nor, for that matter, does the fact that Christensen hadn't said a single (favourably) memorable line before that.

So no, with talent like that, I don't think that EP3 has a chance.

 

That line was a real winner, especially given that was delivered by Christensen as if he had just been grounded from going to the school dance. But my favorite is this one...

Maybe I pick on these movies too much.

 

*Shrugs*

I've enjoyed all the films and i'm almost certain i will enjoy episode III.

I can't really be bothered to say what should happen as I am no professional and not a competing sci-fi director or whatever. From what i've seen, Episodes I and II have tied up loose ends for me.

Also I havn't read any of the books about the clone wars so ... yep exactly.