Feeling like crap

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I agree with Geaer completely here. Turn your pain into something positive and productive. Some of the best art in history was made by the broken-hearted. Pour yourself into a creative project - for you, that seems to be writing. Write, write, write. Doesn't even matter if it's good or not - just write. Write until your brain, your fingers and your eyes hurt more than your heart.

I think you'll find putting your feelings down on paper to be cathartic. Channel that negative energy in a positive direction.

 

I honestly was never very good at writing anything for school. I had horrible English grades starting in middle school and all through out high school. I know ill be writing the way I want to write and not conforming myself to any strict educational standards like they make you in school. Its just always been hard for me to get my thoughts down on paper out to type them out, I am much better at math and science then I am with writing and grammar.

Thanks for moving this I guess Tal considering I wasn't sure where to put it in the first place.

 

It's no secret that after my wife dumped me I was a mess. I never said it on these boards but I considered suicide. But I came to the realization that for a while I was going to have to follow my logical mind and not my emotions because my emotional control mechanisms were seriously broken. I knew in my head that I would be ok -- I told myself that millions of other people had been through the same thing. So even though I didn't FEEL like I was going to make it, I knew intellectually that I would eventually be OK.

So I went out with friends even when I didn't feel like it. I read books and played video games until my eyes crossed. I lost weight and started doing a little exercise. Even though I didn't feel like it, I even made some new friends. I vented my feelings here to this sorry bunch of jerks

It worked. I made it through. It took years (and some will tell you that even now I'm not the way I once was) but I am happy, content, and usually tolerable company. If someone as weak willed as LKD can do it, anyone can. Seriously, it can be done if you resolve to push ahead regardless of your loneliness and pain. Life is beautiful if you look for the beauty. That sounds corny as hell but it's the plain truth. Look for the beauty, my friend -- get out as much as you can in your circumstances -- if nothing else, get out into the cyber world. The pain will ever so slowly diminish.

That's my advice. Now let me give you my father's advice:

Find someone else who's worse off than you, and do something to help them.

My 87 year old Dad's not perfect, but he survived the loss of his parents before he was 15, the loss of literally hundreds of friends in WW2, the betrayal of a woman whom he loved, and the death of the last woman he loved. He's a happy man today despite it all. I've often thought his advice was sanctimonious crap but every time I've taken it it's worked. So I pass it on to you.

 

Ive been posting on forums and visiting chat rooms as well as trying to play video games listen to music and just plan watching tv to help. Ive been trying to get with friends but with their schedules its a pain in the rear end to even try getting some time to get together. Currently playing dark waters on neverwinter nights 2 right now and its helping a bit. I have also been playing yugioh forbidden memories for psx on my modded psp. its easy to pick that game up play a couple of battles then put it back down and go do something else.

Edit: *sniffles softly* Ok I am really hurting now for some odd reason its worse then it has been. I guess its sinking in finally that I wont be with that jerk any more. He cheated on me online with at least 10 different people. So why am I surprised that he fell for one of them?

 

Write a RPG.

 

I already have most of my world flushed out for my novel and dnd groups if we ever get around to doing that any more around here.

 

When I was in college my girlfriend of 5 years dumped me (shortly after I made her my fiancé, which she had been claiming for a long time she wanted to be). I was utterly devastated for many, many months. I didn’t think I was going to get through it, and in fact this is when I started playing computer games for the first time in my adult life, since they provided some sense of escape for me.

Long story short, after I started to disconnect from her emotionally, finally, I started to see clearly how wrong we were for one another. She was actually a very selfish individual, and being freed from that eventually became a very liberating thing for me. I had a number of great life experiences that I never would have had if I had remained with her. And I eventually ended up meeting my wife, who is SUUUUUCH a better fit for me than my ex ever was.

It’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes for a long while, but it’s there. Focus on being single for a while, and figure out what you really want for yourself. When the time is right, there’s a better person out there for you… one who won’t leave you hurting like this last one did.

 

Thanks for the inspiration Marceror. I know ill find the right one for me sooner or later. Right now just looking for a friend thats going to help me out and keep my mind off my ex for a while. Im not looking to get that attach to them but if something develops between us thats a different beast lol.

I am in a laughing mood right now for some reason. I seem to be laughiong at everything lol

Edit: Ok I have been thinking about my relationship with him a lot for a while now. I guess I can kinda understand why he did it and yet I am unsure about this whole odeal right now. Im feeling better now which is a good thing. The relationship was sort of thrown into the toliet over and over throughout the full 3 and a half years considering he never told me about any of his other partners on secondlife that He has starting shortly after we both signed up for it. *sighs* I told him not to lie to me about them and yet he still did it over and over. Guess he wasnt satisfied with just one person. I was nothing but loyal to him the one time I did anything with anyone else he was right there with me in game and I was even a male in character so that wasn't really hurtful to me. But what was hurtful was all the lying and deciect he feed me over the years. I am sorta glad we aren't together anymore.

Edit: Hope you guys don't mind if i use this thread to just rant from time to time. Ok I am nervous because I may of found someone new but I am still waiting for them to say something which probably wont be until either the weekend or next week since they are currently studying for midterms and I told him to just take his time and that which ever way he goes its fine with me. I also found a new reg friend which is a good thing as well. So right now I'm feeling sorta sick with the nervousness and waiting that I am doing. I am trying not to seem to desperate to the new guy but I cant stop thinking about him for some reason *chuckles* So right now I am unsure what to do. Got any advice for me right now?

Edit: Ok If I dont hear back from this guy by monday I will assume he is not interstead me and and I will start looking again.

Ok that went no where. But I might of found someone else. This new person may be older then me by 5 years or so but it doesn't bother me any to be honest, I guess I do wanna settle down with someone who is going to love me for me and the things I do for them and who is going to be there for me through the good and bad times. *sniffles softly as tears start to flow from my eyes* I sorta know what I want out of a relationship. I just don't know the type of person I wanna spend my life with tho. This new guy is an active outdoors type which doesn't bother me considering I would like to get out of the house myself but since I cant drive because I am blind in one eye its hard for me to do anything. I have lost both my bike and roller blades so I cant do either of those things like I use to. I guess I was just glued to my due to long distance relationships with people online. I am so past that now and this new guy is local which is a good thing but the problem is that I cant really meet up with him anywhere because I am unable to drive and it would be very awkward for a 29 year old to show up here when I live with my mom and her boyfriend. I guess I just needed to vent a bit because I am starting to feel a little better. Still feel like I need to be held right now tho.

Its tough for me to move on when all I can think about is my ex. I have been in contact with someone i wouldnt mind getting to know better but I havent been able to say come get me so we can spend time together because I am still holding out for my ex to take me back but apparently he has already moved on and I have been trying ot move on but Its tough for me to.

I am still around and I was thinking of continuing this in my blog on here like a journal of sorts so if you wanna keep up follow any blog posts I make from here on out.