Sympathy for the Slut

Remove all ads!

There is nothing a woman depises more in another woman than sluttiness. There is no more scorned creature in the world than a girl who has "lost her reputation." Why is that?

Confining sexuality to marriage made sense once upon a time -- but, in the absence of religious scruples, the basis for that is gone. Women can earn a living just fine, in, say, molecular biology, without having to sell their sexuality for support through marriage. No unwanted child need ever be born, and if it is born, its parents need not rear it. Our modern mobile society approaches a meritocracy more closely than any other in history so kinship bonds, even so-called legitimacy, need not affect the life of any child that is born.

So why, then, is the exercise of female sexuality stigmatized? Why the double standard, even among the post-feminist youth? Why the crossed legs? I can't really think of any negative consequences to society if all the women just ran amok and rutted like dogs in heat. I think it might actually be quite a good thing. But whenever an individual woman does run amok, the other women tear her to pieces.

So why is that? Pick your favorite:

1. Women like to maintain a favorable supply/demand climate. If supply is limited, demand is great -- anyone flooding the market reduces the value of the commodity held by the other suppliers, thus earning their enmity.
2. Leftover ideas from a bygone age held by those to whom independent thought has not yet trickled down.
3. As society overall becomes less religious, those believers who remain become more religious -- as seen in the rise of fundamentalism, whose adherents, though a minority, are extremely vocal. And for paternalistic religions, for obvious reasons, a sexually free woman is anathema.

Or what?

 

I don't think it is any one factor. I believe that religious biases are one of the biggest factors, followed by society's continued suppression/obsession of female sexuality. An attractive woman is not respected, she is leered at. A woman who speaks frankly about sex is "odd" or "dirty". Also, many women feel that a girl who flaunts her sexuality will damage their chances at earning respect, and so are correspondingly harder on such a female.

 

Well I must bring this up. Not only is sluttyness frowned upon in women, but with men it is a GOOD thing. Its great when a man can get lotsa chicks, he's the man right, but if a woman does it she is shunned.

For one if i waited for sex till i was married i would probably have ended up with a poor lover, one of the things that holds a marriage together is an open and fun sex life.

Another point. Alot of times a woman is called a slut by the way she dresses, not how many sexual partners she has had.

 

I don't know all that much about 3; there's a lot of Baptists around my state/Belt.

But *everywhere* else in the world, it's either 1 or 2; usually a mix.

What's the deal with the current breed of terrorists? They get 72 virgins in the afterlife/heaven? Why do they have to be virgins?

Because a virgin is 'innocent'. She has not experienced pleasure from a 'man' yet. So, when she finally does experience pleasure, that little dopamine high (readrug addict) is associated with that person. Hence, no competition from other males. Or at least, much less competition perceived. It boils down to insecure males; past and present. Religion is just a bystander in the whole affair. A voyeur.

Now, don't misunderstand me; intercourse has always spread diseases across history. There's a *tiny* amount of good in those old regs; but they are heavily influenced by male idealism.

Testosterone. It's derived from Estrogen.

 

I believe the myth of virginity is based on conquest and winning. The one who "takes" a virgin wins the race, is the first to climb that mountain etc. The virgin also gains by association with the winner - at least in theory. The winner has an emotional bond with his conquest. He loves that mountain or he fondly remembers the time he won that race.

What kind of reward would it be if you were given 72 cakes and someone else had already had a piece of every one of them? Sure, the cake is still very tasty, but the reward is a fantasy made up in a mans mind, so why not make the cakes untouched?

 

I must admit, as a male, I have to agree with Kitaria on this ... i don't like this whole girl being a whore thing while a guy is just the number one girl puller! That really fucks me off. Okay so its in favour of males and all and maybe I should be goin "yeah! Us males are badass!" but i see it as a sexist statement which is aimed at empowering malism over femalism ... that is not my kinda thing.

 

Those men who seek virgins want them for the same reason fly researchers want virgin flies -- foolproof paternity. I am charmed by ejsmith's idea -- because I think it is sweet and gives such men way more credit than they deserve. They, I believe, are not really about female pleasure. Or, as Earl Grey suggests, emotional bonding. No, when women are possesions, men simply prefer "new" to "used."

But I didn't want to male-bash. Just as every incoming government blames everything wrong with the world on the previous government, I think women have a tendency to blame men for not only everything wrong with the world (which men have been running for the past 3000 years) but for everything wrong with *themselves* -- and that I don't buy.

Stefanina raises some interesting points:

"An attractive woman is not respected, she is leered at."
Whose fault is that? Isn't it interesting that we think it is *hers*?

"Also, many women feel that a girl who flaunts her sexuality will damage their chances at earning respect, and so are correspondingly harder on such a female."
Yes, yes -- I have seen this before. There is the one woman in the office who dresses to show her body (unprofessionally) and another woman gets angry at her because she thinks it will somehow reflect on her, the second, woman. Why? What does she have to do with me? Are we not individuals?

Women aren't, I think, in the same way men are. We feel responsible for one another in a way men don't. And we enforce social norms on each other in a way men don't.

 

"And we enforce social norms on each other in a way men don't."

This really depends on who you are, and where you are (i.e. subjective and geographical).

I've seen chicks (notice the derogatory terms I use =) compete for position. Sisters, cousins, and just plain enemies. I've also seen women, under some fairly extreme/dire cirumstances, take care of each other quite gently; physically and emotionally.
It really sounds like you have been subjected to some of the less favorable conditions, and have made the (gasp!) mistake of wondering why people/women act as such. Or, at least, trying to come up with a *good* reason why such behavior is condoned.

I say this because I made the same mistake several years back...

 

No, ejsmith. The aptness of my observations and the truth of my conclusions does not depend on who or where I am. I may simply be wrong. It's OK with me if you think so, and it need not be personal.

It isn't -- right, guys? We're talking in abstractions and generalizations that don't condemn any individual -- or pretend to predict her behavior. I hope I am not attacking my entire gender, so no one need defend it.

I think we women do have more of a group identity than men do -- we are of course expected to conform as children more than men are (there is no female Huck Finn or Holden Caulfield) and innately, it is said, we are more cooperative than competitive. From this, I think, comes our role as "social norm enforcers" -- as the sluts experience it. But is that not just another side of our role as "consensus builders"?

 

I think men have this preference for virgins because of the old patriarchal days. their hormons force them to beget as much children as they can. And they want to be secure it's their own child.
Another reason to sleep with virgins is that they are mostly young and don't know about the powers of sexual addiction.
A woman can make a man addicted to her without being beautiful or wearing sluttish clothes.
Poor men their hormones force them to watch every naked female breast that comes around as if they were hypnotized.
I don't want my sexuality to be an instrument of archaic battles for might.
But that wasn't the topic. When i was alone in former days, and i did want some sex, because i'm a woman and we like sex too, i sometimes asked a man i thought it was good to have just some sex with. It never was good. Most of the times they made such a great fuss about it. Having an ideal in mind that they put over me.
And even the sex is better if one knows the partner well.
So i'm happy, i have a handsome partner since some years. And i'm old and ugly, looking like a witch.
I don't hate beautiful women who show their bodies. Why should i. As i told above that's not a guarantee to get the right man or be happy in life. And it's quite nice to watch.

 

I don't mind women showing their bodies. It's actually the way they show it. I do frown upon women who show off their breast implants, their lyposuction and their face lift. It's not natural. Or maybe women frown upon "sluttiness" because some women are more aware of the chance they might be raped by the clothes and image they show. Or in other words, women might feel that being "easy" is bad. But I think some women who show off their bodies put sex in front of other matters. Others don't care to be judged, and even to judge. They just do what they like, either being gold-diggers, workaholics or tomboys.

 

There are not much women with breast implants at my home town.
I think it's kind of american way of life.
Well i don't like Britney Spears at all. But i think i don't have to hate women who have such a small self-confidence that they need a surgeon to feel better.

 

Methylviolet - this is against your first argument...

"There is nothing a woman depises more in another woman than sluttiness."

Perhaps. I'm not a woman. But I can already tell you that 'sluttiness', as you put it, is not scorned in the world, or at least in America. It is welcomed, simply by different voices than the ones you hear. Because of America's devout phantoms of greed, sex has become not only a mass-marketing scandal to weak-willed men and women, but a requirement instead of an allowance. Greed amongst careening teen marketers has fueled a whole new race of generalized creatures, thus permitting, as the voice of the market over-rules the hum of pristine truth (much due to the stupidity of the public), the question of age-old morals and public standards.

Why keep the 'legs crossed' when there's so much fun to have at such little expense? Who gives a damn what our parents and granparents think - why sustain these morals, like marriage? They don't make sense - they're just the carry-me-downs of dead religions. Durrr!

Let me inform you that the more brainless, loveless, purposeless female sexuality there is, the more sickening adoption, abortion, and rape there's going to be in America. Overpopulation and a ticking time-bomb to the death of Earth are bulging with enough problems without every American girl waving her legs in the air and chanting "Hit me baby one more time!"

And Hell, if they do, let's all have sex and sell our babies to the Pope. Society supplies means for us to avoid all the dangers that come with brainless, anonymous sex so let's take advantage of them and rut like dogs in heat! The only thing holding us back is our consistant itch - that little pendelum in our minds - VANITY, the fear of the opinion of others... the keeper of the gate to individualism, and, ironically, ridiculous heathen generalities like sluttiness.

"I can't really think of any negative consequences to society if all the women just ran amok and rutted like dogs in heat. I think it might actually be quite a good thing. But whenever an individual woman does run amok, the other women tear her to pieces."

How, oh how, would it be good for the world if every girl gave away to lust and let herself be ravaged by all men and women and dogs and bats in the world and sprouted out ten thousand children, half aborted (murdered in their natural sleep), half adopted by Mormon pedophiles (a gift-wrapped abduction), and the girl just as satisfied as a senseless little balloon of steam, finally blown out its hole? How in God's name could this ever help the world, Methylviolet? Marriage is as ridiculous, greedy, and hypocritical as Catholicism and Mormonism put together, but if you replace that with a constant Fuckaduck day...it'd be like replacing the order and respect in the Army with a bunch of slobbering fools hungry to kill something with nuclear missile launchers.

Trying to justify this is fantastically expected, however, seems how the benefits to a girl who wants a good fucking are myriad whence allowed all her desires and unconfined from the god Vanity, and the other god Sense and Intelligence (the capability of individual thought).

I say this: Everyone, keep your legs crossed, for God's sake, keep your legs crossed. Don't justify your lust with abortion, rape, adoption, and chaos - you're just greedily benefiting yourself toward senseless ruination.

 

I didnt even bother to read your entire post Xaelifer. You are a fool and a big one (Yes I know that personal things should be kept private but I wanted to let everyone know how much I despise Xaelifers point of view). Basicly what you are saying is that its the womans fault that she gets raped. If she is a slut she deserves, that is what you are saying. All I can say without violating more is that I...disagree very much.

 

Anyone who claims that men don't enforce norms on each other has never spent much time in a high school locker room.

What you're missing here is that sex is not merely physics. It's not just two bodies rubbing together, no matter how hard people try to pretend. In sexual relations of convenience, someone always gets hurt.

What sex should be is the complete giving of one's self to another. And if you're going around giving yourself to people to whom you have no or little commitment to, that's when you earn the appellation "slut." You've shown disrespect for yourself, for your partner, and for act of sex by using it casually. I expect to hear a lot of rationalizing and preaching against "old-fashioned patriarchy" or some such nonsense, but I think most honest people with some experience in the matter will recognize the fact that sex is not just bodies slapping together like on the Playboy Channel -- and treating it as such is just asking for trouble.

Note that the word "slut" is never appropriate to use to insult someone, as usually that person is someone uncomfortable with herself and seeking attention sexually -- you'd just harm her further.

 

Huh. When I read this post last night, it contained a number of varied views, presented for the most part in a civilised and open manner. Where did it go wrong, I wonder? Well, anyway...

A couple of things. First, and foremost I think, promiscuity among either women or men does *not*, and I can't emphasize this enough, *not* have to lead to thousands of unwanted pregnancies. It's called birth control. Yes, yes the technology exists to prevent a pregnancy prior to conception, thus avoiding abortion and adoption. It's called taking responsibility for your actions. Therefore, if you're going to act promiscuously, take precautions. There is no debate, and no excuse. On an interesting side note, among my friends, it is the most promiscuous ones (both male and female) that are also the safest practicers of sex by using birth control and preventatives for disease.

Secondly, I really have to disagree with you Xaelifer about sex being such a wide-spread phenomenon in the US. The US population, as a whole, demonstrates some of the most bizarre attitudes towards sex. While it is largely accepted as a tool for marketing, and to a certain extent for entertainment (movies and TV), actual sex is often viewed in a totally different light. Yes, there are exceptions such as some segments of the younger generations. However, among society as a whole, sex is still something that is supposed to be kept under wraps. If you disagree, consider this. Most so-called 'scandals' that occur in the US by-and-large involve sex. Just sex among consenting adults, albeit often extra-marital. During the Clinton-Lewinsky 'scandal', more people were shocked and disturbed by the fact that he had sex (yes, even in the Oval Office, for shame) than by any accusations that he might have lied under oath. It was the sex that 'sold' the scandal, and at the same time 'made' it a scandal. Furthermore, so-called 'wholesome family values' (one man, one wife, two kids, and a white-picket fence) are always prominent features of any political campaign in the US, and are often one of the deciding factors. It has been postulated by politcal analysts that G.W. Bush won the election against Gore because he was a 'straight-up family man', unlike Gore, whose values might have been influenced by that Clinton fellow

To continue on, how many openly gay politicians are there in the US? How many representatives in Congress? Among the Senate? If sex is so open in the US, then why are prostitutes rouded up vigilantly? It is illegal to have sex with someone for money. In most other developed countries, while prostitution (or soliciting a prostitute's services, as in Canada) is illegal, the law generally turns a blind eye to it.

If you think the US population has an 'open' view of sex, I really think you need to travel to other places that actually do. Take a trip through southern France, or Amsterdam, or Italy, and you'll quickly find that the US is still very closed-minded when it comes to sex. Even Canada is more relaxed about it (aside from our beer, we're also known for our high-quality prostitutes).

As to your comments about 'Mormon pedophiles', well, I won't even dignify them with a response.

 

I think some more women need to chime in here. Your original post points out that women seem to be the ones giving "sluts" a hard time (no pun intended). Yet many of the guys are responding from a guys perspective. The value of virginity, patriarchal, etc.
As a guy, I don't care what a woman's sexual history is so long as:
she doesn't have a disease
she doesn't have kids from her adventures
she isn't a hooker
I don't know too many guys who are hung up on the number of partners a woman has had. They are out there, but most guys I know don't care. Perhaps this has to do with my age (36).
I am curious about the original question, why do other women have such a problem with it? Is it because they are inhibited? Conservative? Jealous? I would like to understand this better.

 

Joacqin: Until you present a little more evidence that I'm a fool, blabber on... And thank you for telling me 'what I'm saying' without reading the entire post. Thanks a whole bunch. It's very captious and abstruse.

Taluntain: Sorry about the swearing. I didn't mean to say marriage was a religious effort, simply that it is as ridiculous as organized religion. That is my view on these two matters, but that's a different topic.

Gnolyn Lochbreaker: Take a trip to an American High School or Mall and you'll find youthful peoples rutting like dogs in heat. Sure, genderless oldly-intelligent people who RUN America and benefit from the wealth of the taxpayer treat sex like you've demonstrated, but I suppose this is another topic baned by generalization. Mormon pedophiles? Just a little exaggeration and delineation, there. A private laugh at such a religious community (a convergence, that is).

 

Heh.

This thread is so generalized, it's impossible for anyone to make an argument.

So anyway, the original post/idea was the question "Why is a slut, a slut?".

My answer was: Society. With testosterone as the excess reagent.