Break Ups

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why? because they show that the girl wasn't worth it in the first place? perhaps. but i will never respect people that are aware of certain boundaries but do not respect them.

 

For me the trickiest part seems to be the time when you actually see her again. At the phone, there is a certain distance. But the moment when I look in her eyes, that distance is gone and I felt myself quite shocked seeing her smile again, and such.
If you want to stay good friends (which I always would try), it's tough to find a good time to meet eachother again. Waiting long enough to get some strength, but soon enough to find out what to deal with afterward.

Note: This is not a tip or some wise words to any of you. It's just how I would try to act. I got too few experiences to be able sounding credible.

 

@Enagonios: What if they wasn't aware? Would that change your opinion/feelings about the girl?

 

no, definitely not. it would, for me, in fact compound her offense because she was misleading the other guy. the only difference would be that I wouldn't hold anything against the other guy and would despise the girl much more.

 

Well, I remember specifically telling a prospective girlfriend to consider a certain other guy she used to be interested in. If your girl is interested in someone else, what point making her suffer the longing and making you suffer by watching day by day as your girl can't get over another man? It may be better for her to move on and for you to find someone more genuinely interested in you. Of course, this is a completely different thing from upgrading to a better version, which many people do with some regularity, or cheating. If things are handled with honesty, I'm not wronged. But I'm quite paranoid about dishonesty of any kind and degree.

 

@ chev, I really don't think much of them, sure they reveal the nature of the girl, but they're still an a$$ hole.

Oh and I realized that after break ups I don't feel that bad for some reason, I think I'm just apathetic about a lot of things. Apathy rules.

 

For natural loners, apathy is the ultimate quality. I do not say you are, and I don't mean to offend you, but apathic people tend to be heartless and thus not as much loved as the more emotional people. What joy can you have if you don't know what grief is? What would apathic people live for if they don't know love, nor sadness?

 

Some people are apathetic *because* of the emotional rollercoaster that is life. Plenty of my (former) friends consider me a hard@$$ b*tch for not being overjoyed at their accomplishments; typically 'We're getting married!' or 'I'm pregnant!'

I have the feelings of 'been there, done that' for others while my own similar experiences rocketed across the emotional charts.

I'm getting more and more into that comfortable shoe of apathy. I'm not quite in there yet; I post here daily, don't I?

 

To all the guys who break up and have a hard time getting over this.
(believe me these are words of wisdom by someone who has really lived his life). And it's true, tested on me on my friends etc.
The sorrow of a break up lasts only untill you stroke the next girls a**.
Find that and you will get over it in no time. It doesn't have to be someone you feel many thing for her, just someone you like the looks of her at least.
Hard but true, makes you wonder also

 

@kuemper: Depends... Perhaps some people really see such things as great accomplishments. Or maybe they find joy in little things. In certain situations perhaps getting married could be an accomplishment. Depends on the obstacles to face on the way, I guess. Or the number of failed relationships before. Don't know.

@Mithrantir: What about the girl you get just to stroke her butt (figuratively, I know, but still)? I doubt there's going to be a great relationship of it, if it's only about looks (even if looks are indeed important). Some people won't mind a short romance with no obligations (not like I would approve of any such thing), especially if they are thick-skinned, some will need a comforter themselves. Ought to be very careful with such things. It sucks to be hurt but it sucks even more to know you've hurt someone.

 

I consider marriage and pregnancy to be great accomplishments. Definitely two of the greatest accomplishments in my life so a big to anyone who wants to think otherwise.

 

@HB - When the people touting pregnancy and marriage are eighteen and this is their third baby and second spouse ... I just think they might see something about that.

 

Hey Barms, mind if I join your party of grief?
My girl and I decided to break up. There was too much on her head. She likes me a lot and didn't want to hurt me. She is always affraid to hurt others. Now she just needs some time on her own to sort things out. I can't help her with it, but I will try to, since she has a tendence to do everything on her own, what actually is driving her crazy sometimes.
We cried a lot yesterday, but I feel less bad now than I would have thought. I'll get over it, I know, but now a lot of things stink. I was busy creating my own place, my own home. Now I enjoy it much less than I did with her. Quite weird, if you think about that a while.
My mom is gonna re-marry soon, what also adds some mixed up fealings. I miss my dad. I have a new job, too.
It feels like I lost everything that was familiar and safe.

I'm quite positive, though, that I will make it. I still got my sense of humor and my faith in God.
And I'm learning things that I could never had learned from books or teachers.
I may be sad now, but that's not gonna tear me down.

 

*hug*

Know the feeling.

The complexity of it all just still astaunds me sometimes.

Na regen komt zonneschijn.

 

no worries MoN, your sense of humor will get you through this and your friends helping you get drunk will too

@Uytuun

what exactly does that mean

 

We both speak Dutch, so I figured a little wise saying in the mother tongue would cheer him up a bit.

Basically it's there'll be sunshine after the rain.

 

God has mysterious way, MoN, that's all I'll say.

 

Hi MoN,
Damn, I bet that's hard. With other stuff happening to shake your life up; you really could have done with your girl around to stablize you. I bet that's hard for you. But listen, I was seriously bad for a few weeks. No matter how hard you try, you can't get it out of your head. But now, I'm pretty much over it. Whenever I see her, I still get that twinge in my stomach, but I'd say I'm 95% there. You'll be alright dude, it's hard now, but you'll be alright.

And I tell you something now: Whatever anyone says, the bottom of a bottle is a brilliant place in situations like this. You bet bladdered, make a fool of yourself some way of other, wake up with a banging headache, but then after you feel better about things. Go out and get trashed mate, it has its merits!

Best of luck with everything pal.

 

Yup, what he says - go OUT and get trashed. Drinking alone might be a bad idea.

*hugs MoN*

 

Thanks lads and ladies.
Though I won't get trashed/drunk, I won't stay away from some fun either. Too bad this weekend I have to work at the hours I usually share a couple of beers with my friends.

Right, Uytuun. Every cloud has a silver lining. I'm going for gold, though. ("Geen hand vol, maar een land vol").
Small chance she will be my partner again sometime. I don't hope too much on that and I don't think it will happen, but the chance is still there.

Chev, ever heard the 'parabel' of a piece of textile art?