Female High School teacher charged with sexually exploiting her student:

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Wow, I'm having trouble coming up with a potentially more damaging thing that could happen to a child in high school. In a time and place that status and peer opinion can cause some students to commit suicide , I can't imagine the impact that would cause.

 

Those things are damaging, Snook, but that doesn't negate the fact that having an authority figure exploit you for sexual purposes is also damaging.

Just because teens may fantasize about banging their teachers does not mean that if it happened for real it would be acceptable and harmless.

In any event, as a teacher today I also look at it from a teacher's perspective. What I do as a teacher reflects upon the profession as a whole. What does it say about my maturity, judgement, and ethics if I cross that line and boink a student? Is an entire career worth a sexual liason with a minor? Is my reputation as someone of sound judgement worth that liaison?

These questions have, IMHO, simple answers. Being ugly, I don't deal with this often, but even I have had students get crushes on me, and I have taken measures to discreetly ensure the situation didn't morph into anything that would harm either her or me.

 

LKD

Good for your maturity there.

I breezed through the thing here and it does stick me in tough spot. When I was in high school there was a female teacher whose large chest I wouldn't mind getting glances at (oh dear, just recalls and admits long forgotten part of high school) and I know for a fact I wasn't the only male high schooler to do so. EDIT: And just to be clear I don't think she intended to show of her breasts to high schoolers-they just happened to be larger than average.

I get the idea that people in positions of authority shouldn't be sleeping with those below them-they can either abuse their authority to force someone into a relationship or the relationship can cause unfair treatment in either a positive or negative fashion to either the subordinate or those around him/her.

So it should be seen as poor judgement and puts decisions made in relation to subordinates into question.

That said if I or the other male students I knew of actually slept with that particular teacher I have difficulty seeing how any of us would be mentally harmed. Thats what makes this a harder call for me.


EDIT:


Actually maybe I'm being too shallow or not enough romantic here but what set me off as the more troubling aspect is they had a relationship. The initial age thing hit me and maybe just the numbers aspect is shallow. But I don't see how someone that young can easily live up to what comes with a romantic relationship. Sure high schoolers date each other and the occasional few marry right out of high school. Now some people who married out of high school actually have successful relationships so I cannot totally knock the practice because it can work and for those it has they may deserve recognition for that. But many high schoolers may not understand everything a long term relationship has to deal with so they may not be ready for that. So I'm almost more comfortable with the idea of a fling than a relationship but not necessarily for the shallow reasons but because I have to ask if that many people at that age are ready for that.

Maybe I'm being a shade shallow, maybe a shade realistic, or to a degree both but I think some people do gain a better idea, maybe not everything they need to know, but a better idea of what it takes for a relationship if they gain a few years.


So here is some thought for gray areas.

 

Quite simply I think that because sex has a completely different emotional effect on men and women, there should be a double standard.

 

Here's a follow-up article.
http://www.montrealgazette.com/news/confused+student/5348736/story.html

To those who suppose the guy was lucky, or wasn't affected, take note:

Sure sounds like emotional manipulation to me. "Sex has a different effect on men and women" - okay, but doesn't change the fact the social views on it are fundamentally skewered. What I'm finding surprising is that some people here are carrying the "Dude, score" mentality to this issue, whereas if it's a girl there would probably be an outrage.

* admittedly I had some "Dude, score" mentality as well, but that's before I sat down and seriously thought about the emotional implications

Anyways, I agree with joacquin and LKD.

 

I agree and if you read through the story it seemed like, with her encouragement, he did it for emotional attachment (I think thats what you mean) and she did it for pleasure-dumping him when he wasn't around to physically provide that. Or maybe when he wasn't around as often it dawned on her what she had done and she took a harsh method of dealing with it-dropping him like a rock after he had become emotionally attached to her.

If you read through the story he seems to have been harmed by the emotional relationship he had with her rather than the physical. Yet if she is sent to prison it will over the physical.

Granted physical and emotional can easily be related.

As shallow as the "dude score" mentality is it would have made things easier emotionally on him if thats what he had because he would have had an easier time moving on after she broke things off with him.

Instead he is a high schooler who thought he had the love of his life and likely ignored other girls to be with that love. Leaving him all the more hurt when it didn't last.

 

While most high schoolers can't post a run like that, I know that if you use the first couple years that the future Mrs. Idiot and I were involved, you definitely would get a number in the hundreds. This started in his sohpomore year in high school and continued into college. If they had sex on average of once per week, they would have exceed 200 encounters.

I also find this a bit odd. I'm not suggesting it's OK to have sex with a student, I'm just saying that if you had a few hundred sexual encounters, and that those sexual encounters continued when there was no longer a student-teacher relationship present, and past the age of consent (I'm not sure about Canadian law, but I imagine that at 18 you're legal), that the guy was OK with what was happening.

Hasn't nearly everyone been emotionally hurt as a young adult by someone they loved who broke up with them? Following the timeline, he was 21 when the relationship finally ended (he's 25 now), so he was no longer a minor. Of course he didn't see other girls when he was with her - that's what you're supposed to do, especially if you feel you're in love with the other person.

That's one of the many reasons that it feels so bad when someone breaks up with you. They want to see other people, while you were completely content with the one you were with. To speak from personal experience, Mrs. Idiot isn't the first woman I was engaged to. While I never married the first one, she broke up with me - well in advance of the wedding, it's not like she left me at the altar - and yeah, that sucked a lot. I do think I was emotionally damaged, and I think that happens whenever you're deeply involved with someone and they break up with you.

The only problem I have is that this relationship started when he was her student. I don't have a problem with them having sex when he was 16 (that's the age of consent in a lot of places, although like I said, I don't know what it is in Canada). And let's face it, teens have sex. Many people have their first sexual encounter when they are about that age. We will cure world hunger and find an unlimited supply of free renewable energy before we can change that.

And just to be clear, I'd feel the same way if the situations were reversed. I knew a couple of girls in high school who dated guys who were older than them (not in their 30s, but older than high-school age) and I'm sure they were having sex, and I'm sure if the guy eventually broke up with her, that she was emotionally damaged by it.

 

In the UK if you're in a "position of responsibility" the legal age of consent is considered 18 instead of 16 as otherwise it's abuse of responsibility towards a minor in your charge.

 

I suspect that the typical male so called "dude score" attitude is informed by a feigned bravado that itself exists to disguise the fact that any teenager can't possiblt possess the wherewithal to deal well with the gravity of major emotional events. In other words, no matter what teenage boys tell each other (and I think finding an attractive teacher attractive is perfectly normal for both boys and girls), they are very likely to be poorly affected emotionally by sexual encounters and relationships that are outside the purview of their experience. In other other words, the kid can very easily be harmed by a sexual relationship with an adult, even if he is a boy.

Sex is 'heavy,' no matter what. To be immune to the effects of all the emotional baggage that comes with it you have to either be an adult conditioned over time to ignore those effects, or a robot, or a sociopath. No kid is born 'experienced,' no matter what they may want to tell themselves and others.

 

Well said, Gaear.

 

I would agree, except for the part of it needing to be an adult. I think a teen can be very easily harmed by a sexual relationship with a peer that goes badly. How many suicides do we see each year with teens because of a breakup with a significant other, or just being unpopular.

I'm not saying what you suggest could not possibly happen. All I'm pointing out is I think that it can happen irrespective of the age of the partner, and I'm unsure if the odds of it happening increase when there is a large age difference.

 

I think that the distinction is that a teen involved with an adult would basically be forced into an adult relationship, which can be very different from youthful relationships (where they are pretty much just practicing and experimenting, like with everything else they do) and which children are not well equipped to handle. Which is not to say that they can't be hurt by their youthful relationships as well - I think you're quite right about that - but it's 'normal' hurt, for lack of a better way of putting it. Both players are on equal ground, just as with two adults who hurt each other. But between an adult and a child, the adult has all the advantages - perspective, maturity, savvyness if it comes to that, and the ability to exploit and manipulate emotions and behavior if they so choose due to their life experience.

Maybe a good way to illustrate it is to imagine yourself entering into a financial transaction with a minor. If you wanted to, you could dupe them six ways to Sunday because they're easy marks, right? I don't think relationships are much different ... kids aren't any more experienced or wise when it comes to them than they are about anything else.