POLL: Child upbringing; mercy before justice or justice before mercy?

Remove all ads!

I voted 'Mercy before Justice' ... but am starting to think that 'Mercy Infinite' would have been better. I somewhat distrust the wording of it though.

Basically: I can think of no instances where I have been punished harshly that actually helped. Those instances I still feel were unreasonable and harmful. Teach by example, or recommendation - showing them that there's some point and benefit in what you're saying rather than just a command that will seem stupid to a kid.
''You can't eat without washing your hands' *kid grabs food* *thwap*' is, IMO, far less effective than things like 'You can't eat without washing your hands, here's why *reasons*' - and hell, if the kid doesn't see value in it, let them eat without washing their hands. They can do it when they see a reason for it.

Now if they're negatively affecting someone else, sure, then I could understand stepping in (for example in the pushing into line scenario) - but still, I don't think violence is necessary. It only makes the child angry at you and see you as mean, cruel, stupid, unreasonable, etc. It also gives them something to be angry and rebel against - maybe the cliche of 'disappointing voice being more useful than angry voice' has some merit.

Of course, maybe not all children would benefit from this sort of stuff *shrugs* - I think it would have been useful in my case, anyway.

Edit: Er, not saying that my parents were bad at all, just thinking of a few occassions.

 

I am the father of a 9.75 year old son. He has been raised in a very loving and caring household. He also has not been coddled into being a spoiled brat. Overall he is a very good kid. He knows when he steps out of line that their are repercussions. When he was younger he was the receipient of spankings when the situation warranted it (i.e. the situation needed to be immediately rectified in a way he would never forget.) He is none the worse for it and in my opinion is better for it.

 

Yes, the most important thing to do is not to spoil your children. However, do not become to harsh.

To quote John Locke (as I said I would do):

He also says that if you punish your children too harshly, their spirits will be "broken much, by too strict an hand over them, [and] they lose all their Vigor and Industry, and are in a worse state than the former."

I am reading it out of a book that gives a slightly abridged version, so I can't provide a link, but here is a Spark Noted one.

And a full version (if you really want to read it) is available here.

 

I don't have kids, but I do not think that Mercy can rob justice. When a child does wrong, they need to know about it. Whether it is a safety concern or ettiquette violation, or ultimately a sin, they need to be taught the risks involved. It doesn't do much good to punish when you are angry, or when they are in no shape to listen either. I think that any punishment has to fit the situation and the offense. They need to learn that they can't go out abusing people...

Corporal punishment must only be reserved for the worst of offenses (like inflicting injury).

Another key word is accountability. Make them accountable for what they do. If they cause damage through recklesness or malice, they should work towards making things right. If they break the law, they must answer to the courts. If they get out of line at school, they must answer to the school. Under the assumption that my children will be raised within the Church I belong to, Sex and substance abuse would require a talk with the Bishop too.

I think that the ultimate objective would be to see that they are taught what is expected of them, not to punish them when they step out of line...