Relationship Rant Thread #6

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@8people: I get the feeling you're being a bit one-sided here. Though, I guess this isn't the place to talk about the relationships of parents.

In my news, one girl I'm semi-interested has apparently found someone. Now, I wouldn't date the girl in any case and have been saying so - to myself, to her, to anyone who asks - for over a year now.

So why do I still feel jealous even if I wouldn't date her anyway?

 

You have no idea what's happened at home and I'm not inclined to elaborate. You never saw my step father in a bad mood and haven't seen what he is capable of, likewise you took a joke my mother made badly right when you first met her. In this instance, however, I am not being one sided. I've already know my mother feels remorse for her reactions, but I'm not allowed to go near my step-father and what he did is much worse than name calling.

Semi-interested is still interested while she is single there is still the idea that you could have her... if you wanted. Now that option has been crossed off. Human nature creates an attractive picture for that which it cannot have, greener grass and all that.

 

Thank Satan for platonic friends. It's kind of a refreshing change to know a chick I know I can chill a bit around without having to worry about, err, accidents.

 

Ex-girlfriend is dating someone new...

Great.

 

And you expected someone like that to remain a nun?

Frankly, darlin', you're starting to sound like me back a year or two.

Get some vodka and listen to Frou Frou or Coldplay or something. Either enjoy yourself or try to overdose on the melodrama once and for all.


And don't go seeking companionship either. You really need to relax about this whole thing, it's not as serious as you think. Or as serious as I thought, but I'm strongly medicated these days, so hey, what do I know?

 

If things maintain the status-quo I may be in a rubbish situation next year. My current roommate and I are moving into a 3-roomer with another friend, so that's good. The problem is that it is the friend I have mentioned before, who is dating a girl that I absolutely fell for when I first met her (before they got together). Now since then I've tried to move on from those feelings, but I'm terribly rubbish at that, so they are still there. If it is still like this come August though, I'm in real trouble. I still hang out with both of them a bunch (actually a little closer to the girl, than the guy) both separately and together. And while it still can be fun, I still have those "die a little inside" moments when I'm with them and they act couple-like (lol). As such when my friend moves in, I am likely to go crazy from being around them both pretty much all the time. I hope I explained this well enough..

So, if sometime in September I start posting (more) nonsense and indecipherable stuff, at least I have a reason for losing my sanity.

 

Saturday I went out and got quite drunk, it was awesome... downside, so did boyfriend and spoke his mind

Sal thought the reason I wanted to get away and stay with a friend was because I was planning to dump him I have no idea what I have done to make him feel that way, he says I've never made him feel abandoned or unloved, it was just a niggling doubt he had that built up while I was away.

When he came up to where I was staying on Friday and our first night together after being apart for several days was spent arguing until 5am, I was horrified, there were seven of us in the flat and he had been pretty much the only one drinking and started arguing in front of the others. We made up before we both went to sleep - or I thought we had, then the next day he started it again over text while I was helping out in Games Workshop for the Apocalypse Launch Day.

Wasn't how I imagined us getting back with each other ending!

We seem fine with each other again now, he's been very apologetic and paying me a lot of attention so I think he feels guilty over the past few days actions. There's something a bit surreal about having a man dressed as Doctor Doom asking "Are you planning on leaving me?"

Also best lines from the argument:
First night arguing: "Being in pain is no excuse to snap at me"
Next day: "I was drunk, you shouldn't pay attention to what I was saying"
This is the third time we've argued about this: When I'm in a lot of pain there is literally nothing he can do to help me, he gets very angry over it and that usually means it gets taken out on me. Also means he asks constantly "Are you okay? Is there anything I can do?" which often leads to me snapping at him, which I know isn't acceptable, but if you poke an angry cat with sticks it's going to bite you at some point.

I'm more worried about what I did wrong to make him feel like I wanted to leave him. We've agreed to talk about things before they 'boil over' and he's also finally accepted he can do nothing but be there physically for me when I'm in pain. So overalll... despite three days of rather sudden arguing, we're actually pretty good

 

Taza, I know, I know, it just sucks. She... I don't know, to her, I no longer exist, and I am just having trouble getting over it.

 

F*** a duck, I could have been with this girl I like if I had just bothered to shave... She kept saying to her friend how she thought I was hot if I didn't have a beard. GOD DAMMIT!

 

It sounds a little late BTA... but maybe for the future perhaps?

[scratch out the rest, all this got jumbled up as well]

 

Creativity is key. Did you ask her if she would like to help you shave?

 

Interesting idea, T2. I'll keep that one in mind

 

That would just be creepy...

 

My decision to work evening shifts is paying immediate dividends. The chica I knew back in adult's ed once again stopped by, but I actually don't give a damn about her -- TBPH, it's her friend which I find pretty interesting. And it just so happened the said friend was with her when she stopped by -- twice, I should mention. Me, the night shift guy and the two chicas had some serious laughs (tends happen when I unexplicably am in a good mood at work)... hope she drops by more often -- I'm growing fond of her. Very beautiful, too. She stopped by every now and then when I was working night shifts. I took an instant liking to her...

 

What is the nature of misery? I think I can define it pretty easily. Misery is the sensation you get when you realise that everything in your life is made of destruction and pain. Let me elaborate.

Right now, my head and my heart are at war. Not to mention my conscience is stretched to breaking point with guilt. The one man who desperately wants to be with me is the man who has made me unhappy for nearly two years, pain and depression for almost the entire relationship.. When we split up, I felt as though finally, something was right, and I started to realise that life didn't have to be one endless string of difficult decisions and ignoring those closest to me. I realised that it was in my control. Except that without him, I can't afford to pay my bills and I can't afford to eat at the same time. Everything's gone to ****, and it's his fault. Now he wants me back so desperately he's texting me at 4 in the morning trying to convince me to love him again.

The sad thing is, my heart belongs to someone else, and more to the point, someone who doesn't want it. Someone who is drunkenly sleeping on my couch at this very moment, out of his mind with alcohol and who feels guilty for not being here right at the time when I needed him most. My greatest friend, and my greatest disappointment. He says his feelings for me are feelings he's never had for a man before, but that's not enough. No matter how he feels about me, it's how he feels about women that counts. He loves them more than he could ever love me. And so I dream of him and cry myself to sleep over the **** that has gripped my heart once again.

And so I think I'm starting to understand the nature of misery. It's a self-created illusion of not having what we want, but when we have what we want, we no longer want it. And so then we start to want something else, and when we get that, the cycle repeats. The safest way is to always desire something you can't have, and then you'll never have to realise that your dreams are a sham. I've just started to realise that although I'm unhappy, the situation I'm in right now is the epitome of misery, and also the safest way I can possible be. While I desire what I can't have, my heart is protected from heartbreak, because it can't be won to be broken. No-one can hurt me, and I will never feel the desire to stray from what I don't have, precisely because I don't have it yet. It's a painful and repetitive circle, but it's the safest place to be, it hurts, but it hurts less than the alternative.

So what do I do? Nothing. I sit and allow myself to fall into the repeating cycle again just how I always have, and indulge myself in fantasy, rather than admit the horrible truth. While I am protected from heartbreak, my heart is already broken, and more damaged than a human heart should be. And while I am protected from heartbreak, I am not protected from the greatest enemy of all - myself.

 

crap. i'm really into one of the girls i've been hanging out with and something happened when we were both drunk maybe 2-3 weeks ago, but since then, it's been kind of off. not awkward or anything like that (nobody else in the group knows because she's very conscious about that sort of stuff) but she's not really responding when i kind of flirt with her anymore and i get the feeling she's been kind of ducking me.

ugh. first girl that I've gotten physical with and am actually into since my ex-gf (over a year and a half ago) and this happens.

 

I said to this one girl who had a problem with my m'stash that she'd be welcome to shave them.

Didn't take up on the offer. It was fun enough just to ask that.

ION, after dramatic enough turn of events the relationship which I've blabbed about the last time went and pretty much ended.

Oh what the heck, might as well post it here.

She had a miscarriage.

Chew on that bit of news. Heh.

This was a while ago already.

Would've could've should've. Just wasn't meant to be and it's better off that way.

Things that desire makes you do...which brings me to saying this:

@Uri: Desire lies in the root of suffering. Without despair, desire would have no substance, no meaning, no impact. Sometimes we desire willingly the things we cannot have in order to feel despair...could there be a little of this in your predicament? If pain is unbearable, look at it as it seems to you. Is it not a burden you can shed from your shoulders and simply cease carrying it with you? We cling to our pain as we cling to our pleasure. Only those things that we let have effect on us. Just my again...

 

Time to face the music I think. Two weeks apart has put the idea of marriage back into Sals head so I need to have a long talk with him pretty soon and before I go away for the weekend as it may just cause trouble.

I'm hoping there will be a peaceful solution. But I have a horrible feeling I'm going to end up hurting him and possibly losing someone I love very dearly.

 

I'm rooming next year with a girl that I used to have feelings for and am not so sure if I'm completely over them... She'll either be a great roommate for me, or a terrible one.