The battle of Sorcerer's Place (SP fantasy)

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A light pierces the clouds above beaming down onto a patch of grass dead in the middle of the battle. Next come the choir of Angels who encircle Sniper as he drifts down from the heavens



Sniper lands lightly on the ground and kisses all of the angels in thanks

"Thankyou fair ladies ... heres your £10 for the service"

Sniper exits the circle of light, which retreats with tears and crys of sorrow, and unsheaths the super massive, amazingly heavy mace + 0.5 and charges into the fray

"YEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!"

The first of his soon to be many victims of pain is Bonzo... Sniper jumps behind him screaming "BANZI!!!!!" THUMP!!... THUD!

"Muah! I am the greatest! Now onto my next victim ..."

Sniper moves onto his next victim... Bonzo will have one hell of a headache when he wakes up!

 

Gothmog rolls his eyes at theatrical arrival of Sniper. As if thats such a big honor, being surrouned by leathery, smelly, half-birds good for nothingy practical.

He's sitting on a branch of an oak eating cherries and spitting the stones (of cherry) onto the bustle underneath him.

 

Bonzo wakes up. Bonzo has one hell of a headache. Bonzo has a sword. He picks it up and weighs it in his hands. Then with a primal scream that chills sniper from head to toe. The first slash of the sword lops off sniper's hand, the one holding the mace +0.5. Then using the mace and sword in a flashy dual wieldy style he beats and cuts the living poopoo out of Sniper.

Satisifed with his revenge he throws the mace aside, nearly braining a nearby frog, and steps forward to behead Sniper. With the sword raised high above him he mutters "There can be only one" and ...

[OOC yes i know it's a highland rip off but what the heck!]

 

... misses. Everyone stops to laugh at his incompetence.

A sqaudron of Holy Hookers has begun to chase Sepiroth, detecting his unholy aura. Yerril the Skald prances after them, eager to have a go at some evil.

 

"*Ahem* I am over here Bonzo"

Bonzo turns around much to his annoyance to see Sniper behind him waving with a tiny hammer in his hand

"I'm sorry, I should've told you but er... well, what you sought of jizzled there is ... well was a Sniper double ... I see their uses. Now, lets testout of my monstrous hammer of flattening death!"

Sniper raises the tiny hammer (no bigger then your thumb) and taps it lightly on Bonzo's head. As the head of the hammer touches Bonzo's head, Bonzo plummets to the ground and seems to be forced several thousand feet into it.

All that remains is a small pile of dust and Sniper.

"I find it always helps with the headache."

Sniper then winks and charges into the everlasting battle, tapping everybody he can with the tiny hammer.

All that is left in his wake are a multitude of piles of dust. Still, the battle is far from won!

 

A shry whistle comes from somewhere on the battlefield and the holy hookers immediatly turn around. Their hearts filled with joy they run to the spot where the whistle came from, yerril and sephirot got quite the startle when the holy hookers entered the invisibility field, laid by Apeman's familiar, and dissapeared completely.

Odd sounds could be heard

<Be back in a few hours> apeman send to his allies

 

Alexander receives the telepathetic thanks and respinses: <You're welcome>. He hardly finished his phrase when the cavalry passed in front of him like a strong wind. The earth was trembling in the pass of such fearsome army. Alexander saw another horse, riderless, and headed towards it. He rode it and run like hell to catch up Chevalier. He finally reached him and faught by his side, slaying(well, not exactly *slaying*, I have a warhammer), crushing, opening heads like watermellons. He raised and lowered Mjolnir without ever stopping, he killed and killed and killed every evil scum nearby. Alas, his horse got killed; he had to fight on foot but it didn't matter. He was used to walk on his feet and not riding a horse. Again his greater cleave feat proved extremely useful as the enemies once again swarmed him. He separated from the others by mistake and and kept fighting for his life. He shouted in great dispair: "Chevalier, my friend, where are you? I need your help".

 

After several days of crawling out of some infernal hell-pit, Mediv finaly emerges, meat cleaver in hand. He looks about, spotting several "Evil Smiting" types.

"This could be unhealthy"

 

A strange quiet chanting is heard near to where the pile of dust formerly Bonzo was.

"Haelamono ceremano hych la deranao och la nevano toraly lycht"

All the dust on the arena that had been formerly combatants draws together and strikes sniper's hammer, knocking it waaaaaaaaay out of the arena.

Then the dust splits back up and those that had been 'dusted' by the hammer turned back to their corporeal selves as the chanting ended.

Bonzo stood there, the same as before. The only noticeable difference was that his eyes seemed to be glowing gold. He was carrying a long metal stick, a pineapple, a pumpkin, a melon, several lengths of chain, and some ACME glue, bolts, screws and nails.


There is a buzz of activity as Bonzo is builing his super weapon, the flail of fruit +17! The stick has 3 lengths of chain attached to it, on the end of each is the pineapple, the pumpkin, and the melon, respectively.

Swinging the mighty flail around his head Bonzo the Great goes out to kick some arse!

 

Mediv, staring at Bonzo, is disgusted at such a waste of fruit..

"What the hell did the fruit do to you?! Vengence for the poor, helpless fruit! YAGGHHHH!"

With that, he charges, waving his big, evil-looking cleaver above his head. Plants wither and die as he charges over them.

 

As Sniper runs about tapping people with his 'tiny hammer' when it suddenly leaves his hand and flies off to tapsome alien people from Greyhawk

??????

Turning around, he sees the dust start to reform. Trembling slightly he takes out a marker pen and a white board. He scribbles something English which reads as

'ALLIES WANTED - IF INTERESTED, PLEASE ASK ME'

Sniper then attatches the whiteboard to his back and pulls out a wand of 'Ally attracting'.

Sniper then waves it about

"Higal da pigal dee, diddly doo! Whoopy Poopy Humpdy Dumpty!"

 

Mediv halts, Dust flying forward as he skids. He gives Snipers sign a passing glance.

"Ally?"

He thinks suddendly starting to speak in third person.

"You help Mediv destroy bad, fruit-mutilating man?"

 

A voice comes back into his mind

<Indeed! I'm Sniper ... who be you? Ally?>

As Mediv stands there recieving the mind message, Sniper walks over and pats him on the back. He then draws out his mace of 'non-removing unless commanded' and stands by his new found ally

 

Bonzo hears Mediv, then sees Mediv.

The flail of fruit spins towards Mediv. The pineapple (which on closer inspection has titanium,diamond tipped enchanted spikes instead of normal pineapple ones) smashes into Mediv first of all, knocking him/her down to the ground. Next the pumpkin flies over Mediv's body, dripping acid from it's gruesome faced, carved into it by a truly deranged mind.

As Mediv is bleeding from the pineapple, the acid from the pumpkin drips into the wounds and gashes, causing a lot of pain.

Finally the most deadly of all, the melon arrives. It's made of plastic, and is inflatable and filled with helium. It connects with Mediv's skull with a satisfying 'THWACK' and knocks him/her unconcious.

Bonzo hits a little switch on the flail's haft, and it retracts, like an umbrella. Bonzo slides the weapon into a pocket.

Then he goes off to conceal himself inside Apeman's invisibilty field, averting his eyes from the hookers.

To all allies <back later, need the toilet>

 

After Sephiroth had been so impolite interupted in his chat with a vampire lady by Yerril and his Holy Hookers community, he now sees the big army of Chevalier and Alexander the Great. He also sees Alexander the Great crushing heads with Mjolnir. He screams :" If you think that you are Thor, the god of thunder, than you should handle this snake " and summons than Jormundgand, the main enimy of Thor and Mjolnir. Satisfied that Alexander the Great can't win this fight, Sephiroth starts to search for Yerril and his stupid holy Hooker, to kick them in their arse, because they interrupted him in his chat !

 

Meanwhile the sounds that were coming out of the invisibility sphere were getting louder and louder

 

Gothmog casts Liveoak spell transforming the oak he's been sitting on into a treant and asks him to strike at everybody in his way. Naturaly he also casts Ironwood on him, making him impossible to harm.

Then he goes and casts everlast on Bonzo's jucy flail and then Fire seeds on it again (transforming the fruit into everlasting bombs).

 

Sephiroth heard the sound coming out of the invisibility area, and thought that it would be too dangerous to enter it. So he summons a meteor rain over it, hoping he will hit Yerril.

 

Sniper picks up the KO'd Mediv and rests him up against a rock.

<I'm gonna go kick bowel boy's arse okay? Sweet dreams!>

Sniper then charges after Bonzo and runs into the invisible shield created by Apeman.

Soon all can be heard is "YEOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!" Followed by lots of bashing and other noises when all of a sudden the holy hookers run out of the field with SNiper hot on their heels!

 

Dalveen walks out of the hospital after recoviring from his broken bones swears to get Alexander and his prattish armour for what they did to him.

when Dalveen arrived back on the battle field he sees the cavalry destroying the poor demon army.

"hmm i think i can help here" he soons casts a spell called horses in space, which unluckly for the cavalry cause there horses to fly off into space, taking all the riders on there back with them.
"well that sorted that problem"

Dalveen the proceeded to whack some goody-goody people and bought a hot dog from bonzo.

<sniper ill be your ally if you want>

Dalveen then summons a massage parlour and invited Alexander for a free massage as a sorry gift.

Alexander then falls for the trick and removes his armour and walks into the massage parlour where lots of big hairy men undress and give him a very poor massage.

meanwhile Dalveen takes Alexander's armour and deletes it using shadowkeeper andDalveen walks out of the hospital after recoviring from his broken bones swears to get Alexander and his prattish armour for what they did to him.

when Dalveen arrived back on the battle field he sees the cavalry destroying the poor demon army.

"hmm i think i can help here" he soons casts a spell called horses in space, which unluckly for the cavalry cause there horses to fly off into space, taking all the riders on there back with them.
"well that sorted that problem"

Dalveen the proceeded to whack some goody-goody people and bought a hot dog from bonzo.

<sniper ill be your ally if you want>

Dalveen then summons a massage parlour and invited Alexander for a free massage as a sorry gift.

Alexander then falls for the trick and removes his armour and walks into the massage parlour where lots of big hairy men undress and give him a very poor massage.

meanwhile Dalveen takes Alexander's armour and deletes it using shadowkeeper and then chucks away Alexander's hammer to where snipers hammer is.

"there now you can never use that poofy armour of yours and i hope you enjoy tour massage, MUHAHAHAHAHAHA, cough, that really hurts the throat"